I got this from my friend Eden's FB page (she showed up at my house on my birthday with balloons and chocolate. The kids loved the balloons. I didn't share the chocolate. Thanks Eden, you're the best).
She's a professional editor, so I am always a little self conscious about my posts being grammatically correct, and somewhat intelligent sounding, knowing she occasionally reads my blog. I'm sure they are not-- but I am proud to say that I have read a LOT of the classics, and I can understand Shakespeare, after a few pages of getting into the rhythm.
This comedian has 'Shakespearized' the 3 little pigs. It's brilliant, and hysterical. Give it a look. It will add points to your IQ, I promise.
Apparently, I'm allergic to single parenting. Or maybe it was just hormones. I don't know, but I've had a headache, basically since my better half left. Which means I've been a really crappy single parent. You know, the kind that doesn't fix dinner, or help with homework, and yells. A lot.
I've taken every drug known to man over the last 5 days trying to kill this mega headache, including Lortab, and nothing even touched it. It was a doosey. So last night when I was considering taking my three smallest to the Leonardo children's museum today with my mother, and this headache, I almost cried. It had already been a bad night. I'd mistakenly agreed to a 'late night', which means instead of 3 loud children, there were 5-- up till way past their bedtime. Half an hour from the end of this funfest, I heard Ella screeching her blood-curdling, Friday the 13th horror scream from the basement--- And. I. Lost. It.
Neighbor kids were sent home post haste. Mine were sent to bed. I collapsed on my bed and willed myself not to go downstairs and drink all the cooking Sherry I could find. It was that bad.
Today I woke up ALONE, hallelujah (no middle of the night intruders kicking me and generally giving me neck kinks as I fought for a small corner of my pillow ALL night long), and was surprised to feel... nothing. No headache.
And then Chris texted me, "I miss you. I had a dream about you."
To which I replied, "Naughty, no doubt."
And he confirmed with, "Way."
I wonder if it was another morning where he woke up with Luke spooning him. LOL. Sleeping with Luke is almost as bad as sleeping with Zeke. Almost. Guess we are both missing each other.
We had a great time at the Museum, the kids loved the exhibits and then we had a nice lunch with my Mom. It's her birthday today. Happy Birthday Mom, even though she doesn't read my blog.
Tonight, I was trying to decide how to best leave the kids for 2.5 hrs while I went over to the church to watch the General RS Broadcast when I remembered, they are going to stream it live online! Yay. I can sit on my couch in my grubbies and be enlightened. I'll miss out on the dessert-- but Luke left me 2 pints of Haagen Daz in the freezer, so I'm covered.
Chris said they may bypass Independence, MO and be home by Wednesday. I might just survive the next few days with that ray of hope.
Chris, Luke and Tess left for a 2 week tour of church history sites last night. We've wanted to do this with them, but the other 3 are just too young to handle that much time in the car, or to really appreciate it. So Chris came up with the perfect solution; he recruited his BFF Scott to go along with his 2 daughters.
And then Luke's bff got invited, bc he's having a crisis of faith.
And then yesterday, Chris invited his nephew, bc he came home from his mission on medical leave, and is sorta depressed.
More bodies saves money on gas, and they have friends to enjoy along the way. Only problem-- I don't get to go.
Of course I was PMSing yesterday, and so was super needy and weepy all day. Poor Chris wasn't quite sure what to do. But-- today the PMS is just MS and I feel semi-normal, and am doing much better. I may not be at the end of 10 days if they aren't back, but today I can handle it.
I went to a ward conference for 2 hrs. this morning, leaving the kiddos to fend for themselves. Kate has been promoted to head babysitter, and she's gonna earn some extra cash in the next 2 weeks, bc I've got places I've gotta be! She's coming late to this game, as both Luke and Tess started sitting at 8. She'll be fine. Granted, Zeke is a terror, but Ella at that age was worse, and Tess handled it just fine.
Anyway... the point of this rambling post was to put up the link to the road tripping blog. They are going to document their trip for us all on a daily basis, so it'll feel like we're almost there with them. Right?! Sigh*
I know there's only maybe 2 of you who will care about this, so for you two, here it is:
For the rest of you, just know that I am single parenting for the next *hopefully only* 10 days (they didn't quite have an itinerary nailed down...) and could use a few sympathy prayers. Thanks.
Every once in a while I grab Luke's iPod for a surprise inspection. You know, read through all his texts, emails, and pictures. I always get a chuckle out of his photos. Some are just events documented, but others are far more random. I thought I'd just share a few of the highlights of the last year...
Mud Football, a YM/YW activity. He could almost pass for an African bushman couldn't he?
We had to throw those clothes away.
One of the first things Luke did at L.Powell this year was, you got it, dig a hole. Which he then turned into a 'hot tub'.
He and his cousin had the bright idea to 'tan in' Batman wings. They stuck their cut-outs on with honey and then burnt themselves really good. Ethan had a smaller version on one side. It looked like he had pilot's wings on. lol.
I like this photo he took bc of my SIL's goofy face there. LOL.
Apparently he's never seen a rainbow before... or he's just really excited about this one... he doesn't get out much....
The 'Kissing Swing' in all it's christmas light glory.
This is his 'crew' of BFF's from last year, at their graduation. He was the only Jr.
Kissy face girl is second from the right.
Showing off their footwear, or in Steven's case, his lack thereof. He decided to go nude at the last minute. Yeah, no clothes under that gown...
This was his 'death ray'. An old satellite dish with glued on mirrors. He cooked something, or burnt a hole through something. I'm not sure if it was a science project, or just a random project he thought up on his own.
Senior day at Lagoon. We let him ditch and go join all his buddies, but there were some in the office who thought it wasn't fair for Luke to go just because he's the administrators son. Chris told them any parent who wanted to let their child do the same would have been fine by him, as PHS believes in parental authority over school/state authority, and basically, lighten up people. Still... there were some bitter 'rule nazis' who didn't appreciate the 'example' Luke was setting. Whatever. Follow the rules with your own kid. And mind your own business. We excused his absence. End of story.
Shepherd costume in a play he did for Latin class. This may be where he got the idea that he would also like to be a shepherd when he grows up... you know, if gentleman farmer doesn't work out.
The fire dept. came to PHS to put on a 'dramatization' of what happens when you text/drink and drive. His BFF's got to be casualties and had the gore painted on them before the school came out to see them draped over the hood and pretending to be dead. Apparently it was quite upsetting to some of the students.
These are all from the Hari Krishna Color Festival. Disregard the douche bag photo bombing the picture in the background.
Lindsey Stirling concert. He's in love with her.
Random curiosity-- what happens to an egg left soaking in vinegar? The shell disintegrates leaving the egg all jelly-like. He was fascinated. LOL.
Another hole. Surprise. This one dug through the ice of the frozen river behind the Ranch house in WY.
The remains of a 'paper war' waged by his core class against another. Not uncommon at PHS I hear.
Chris being childish manly. Little boys love to drive their trucks over crap, right?
Kissing Fish at Ryder Lake in the Uintahs.
Shot taken of Chris 'putting Zeke to bed'. You can't quite see how ridiculous it was to see them both crowded onto Zeke's crib size car bed.
Playing Cowboys with Zeke.
And lastly, Luke demonstrating the proper technique for omelet flipping. Why he cared to film this at 7:30am with no one around is beyond me. He's just generally self-entertaining.
There you have it. A peek into the fascinating life/brain of a teenage boy.
Wait... I'm starting to see a pattern here... Luke in jewelry, make-up, and/or fairy wings... hmmm....
Not to be outdone by his 'famous' mother and sisters, Luke got his picture in a local rag last week.
What for?
2nd place in a beauty contest.
Yep.
He helped out some friends who were in desperate need of contestants for their 'Men's pageant', part of the Relay for Life fundraiser. Here's the link to his photo in the paper:
For his 'talent', he read 'Fox in Sox' by Dr. Seuss. He said that's where he lost out. The first place guy danced. Well.
The really creepy part? Several women, including MUCH older women stuffed one dollar bills down his dress... for charity.... he collected $47 in ones...
And, he said one lady 'at least your age Mom' came up and told him he had the perfect back for that dress. She was serious. Did she think Luke was a real cross-dresser? I'm a little disturbed...
I give you Luke and his date Jessica at PHS Inaugural Ball:
They make a cute fairy couple don't they? He was really excited about this dance, because he thinks Jessica is really cool, and they're not romantic, more like BFF's. Fairy BFF's. I peeked in for a bit, and he was dancing away like a crazy person. I should really teach him how to dance. Man, it's like watching Elaine...
We had the most awesome lightning storm the other night. It was like noon day, the sky was so bright with strikes, and some were right on top of us. Like this one, it hit the temple, and Luke got it on his iPod. Look closely at where the strike connects. Awesome right? We stood out on the porch for a good 15 minutes just watching nature do her best.
The lightning also struck the Stake Center just after I left a training meeting. Come Sunday, we found out it, the Mic system was fried throughout the whole building. And this is what Moroni looked like the next day:
Apparently this isn't the first time he's taken some heat! He was struck by lightning during the open house a few years back, and had to be replaced because it melted his face and was not repairable.
The Anti- Mormon faction is having a hey day with this, one thread even suggesting we remove all the Moroni's and replace Him with Crosses, so as not to 'anger' God. Whatever. I choose not to read anything into this particular lightning storm. No one was hurt, although they did evacuate the temple. I think it was just a storm. And a pretty awesome one at that. Heavy rain and even hail accompanied it. We've been told Daybreak gets more than it's fair share of lightning strikes. I wonder why.... I'll google it.
Ella came home from school yesterday and said, 'My friend said that there's lightning when Jesus is mad at us, is that true?' Sigh. You never know what kids will hear at school...
Ella left her markers out on the back porch. Her NON-washable markers.
You're thinking, 'Uh-oh' right?
Yeah. Zeke and Annie came in with marker ALL over them. Zeke colored his belly button, his inner ear, gave himself a blue Hitler stash, and ruined his shirt and jeans. Annie was similarly colored only in pink. They colored the backs of each others necks, because his was pink and hers was blue.
I also realized that they were both wearing his pull-ups. They like to pretend their babies. I've told them a million times NOT to put them on. Do they listen to me? Of course not.
I sent them up to his room to change back into their underwear and then Annie was going straight home. They'd been Bonnie and Clyde ALL day and I had HAD it.
After a few minutes, I sent Ella up to get them moving.
She found them in the closet. Sans pull-ups OR underwear. Coloring their 'private parts'.
Annie's were pink. Zeke's penis and one sack was blue. Entirely blue.
Yep.
I gotta hand it to him-- he was pretty thorough in that 2 minutes.
I didn't take any pictures, because that would be, like, child porn, right?
I don't know what to do with these two anymore. They are absolutely incapable of obeying when they are together. They tell me they won't do something, and then they GO RIGHT OUT AND DO IT!!!! Individually, they hardly ever get into trouble. Ditto with other friends. It's just the two of them.
When Sunny saw Annie, she was speechless.
We both agreed, they are grounded from each other. Maybe for life.
Tess decided she wanted to quit piano. I told her no, she needed to keep going till she could play the hymns well enough to accompany. She said she wanted to start guitar. I said, 'remember when you wanted the play the flute?' NO. So she stopped practicing. I told her she got no TV/iPod/Wii time till she had practiced. She went in her room and shut the door. I told her that she would have to pay for her own lessons if she didn't practice. She didn't budge. She hasn't played a thing for 2 weeks.
I'm really sad. But I gave up. She won't be forced, and she's not the compliant pleaser of yesteryear.
I told her that I quit playing at about her level and I've regretted it ever since. I never got any better, and lost a lot of what I had. She said she was still going to play, just not take lessons anymore. It's been 2 weeks. She used to just sit down 2 or 3 times a day and play for fun. Not anymore.
How do you encourage a child to do something that you know will bring them joy in the long run, but in the short run is just plain hard work? I don't know, but I've got too much going on in my life to deal with this anymore. I'm tired of fighting. I give up.
Zeke started preschool last week. It's 2 doors down, 3 days a week for 2.25 hrs/day. Since he won't stay in Primary without me, I was, understandably, concerned about his willingness to go to preschool.
The first day, he was excited, until I tried to leave him at the door. Then he started crying and clinging to my leg. Typical.
Enter the professional teacher. She picked him up and said, "He'll be fine. Just go."
Ooookaay. Don't have to tell me twice. I RAN home. And then I sat by my phone expecting it to ring any minute with her giving up and Zeke shrieking in the background. Except that it never rang.
2 hours later, I went to pick him up and he was smiling and excited to show me his projects. And the teacher said, "He only cried for 1 min. Then he was fine."
I may have dropped my jaw to the floor and stared blankly at her for more than a comfortable amount of time.
He was fine?
Annie's mom is Zeke's new Sunbeam teacher. I will be LEAVING him in Primary come Sunday.
Our annual trip to Boise, ID to visit the cuzzies over Labor Day weekend. This is the only photo we (Melissa) took. Lots of fun. Boating, bike riding, endless play time with the kids' cousins. It was great. Relaxing, and low key. Luke and Tess opted not to go. Luke had to work, and had 'places to go, and people to see'. He enjoyed himself while we were gone. Tess, on the other hand, ended up sitting home alone most of the weekend and regretted her decision to stay home. It's hard having older and younger kids. We can't really do anything that both groups enjoy equally. From movies to vacations, we're stuck between two worlds.
For instance, we have wanted to take the kids on a church history tour for a while now. But the thought of 10 days in the car with all five of them has been rather off-putting, to say the least. Chris solved the problem by recruiting his BFF and his 2 older kids to go while I stay home with the other 3-- and he's taking my car. Not my ideal. I'm disappointed that I won't be able to share that experience with Luke and Tess, and not thrilled about being alone with no baby sitter for 10 days-- but, how else could we do it? Luke has 18 months before his mission, and the Zeke and Ella will still not be old enough in that time period.
My consolation prize is the hope that we will someday be able to take the younger 3 on another tour a few years down the road, when they are old enough to appreciate it.
Luke got a new job last week. He's working as a 'hand' on his seminary teachers mink farm.
He. Loves. It.
He doesn't make as much as when he buses tables, but he doesn't care. He's constructing new cages, cleaning up mink crap, vaccinating the little buggers, and his favorite thing of all-- digging ditches.
I know. What 16 yo kid likes digging holes? Luke. Since he was 3. When my dad hired him to dig out a bunch of dirt at my grandma's-- he moved a whole trailer load by hand(shovel, wheelbarrow) in 6 hrs, and wouldn't even stop for a drink break. He loves digging, and getting paid for it, is just the cherry on top.
Interesting fact about minks, they scream. Luke says he's pretty sure the Ring Wraiths on Lord of the Rings got their sound from minks. He says it's creepy. And their super mean and can bite through welding gloves. He still loves it.
I'd say he's well on his way to being that 'gentleman farmer' of his dreams...
Apparently I'm on some kind of High Councilor speaking circuit. I got asked by my next door neighbor who is a HC to speak with him today in another ward (A ward with 600 ppl in it). This makes 5 sacrament talks since we moved here-- what 17 months ago? Sheesh! And could I recycle any of those other 4 talks? Of course not. New topic. AND when I walked in today, guess who was on the stand? Yeah, the Stake President.
Yaaaaay....
I tell you, it's a good thing this calling is not time consuming, or I'd be REALLY bugged about all these talks.
I gave this one on 'Raising Children the Lord's way'. It's always nice to have a reminder that you suck and aren't doing everything you should to ensure your children won't be vulnerable to Satan isn't it? But that's where the Spirit lead me, so away I went, using humorous (I hope) anecdotes of my stellar *read crappy* parenting.
It was 10 pages long. LOL.
Afterwards, I had one nice man flag me down and want a source, which I didn't have, but then remembered-- whew!-- and another woman chased me out to the parking lot to tell me how much she enjoyed it and could she get a copy.
No matter how much speaking in church sucks, it's nice to be appreciated I tell you.
I told the Stk. Pres. this was it for me. I'm done. He said, "Stake conference is next week...."
Surely they have their speakers lined up more than a week ahead of time? Of course they do. He was just being funny. Only it's not. Not even a little.
I saw James Taylor perform last night with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and the Utah Symphony.
IT. WAS. AWESOME!
Me and 20,099 others watched him perform in the Conference Center. My seat was really good, dead center, about 50 rows from the front. He performed about 10 of his most popular songs, and a few I'd never heard that were amazing. And 2 encores-- and we got to sing along! I knew all the words! LOL. So fun.
If it were 1989 still, I'd totally be his groupie. Loved it.
Remember when that guy paid me $100 to film us swinging on the porch? Well I had a friend tell me today that she saw us on TV!! I googled the guy and found the ad. We are all the way to the end at 50 seconds. If you blink, you'll miss us. We're on there for like 1.5 seconds, but it's definitely US! If we made $100 for 1.5 seconds, think of the hourly rate we could pull in!!!!
