Cheeky Monkey

Have I already mentioned that I'm too old to raise this part monkey, part tornado? 'Cuz I am.

Figures

Boots packed..... check.
Coats packed..... check.
Car windows open.... check.

Wake up to sideways sleet.... of course.

IT. NEVER. FAILS.

Want a good snow storm? Just call me. I'll pack up our winter garb. Guarantees a snow storm. EVERY. DANG. YEAR.

Churchy stuff

I was released today. I feel such a relief. Is that wrong? LOL.

Now I'm just trying to imagine getting my nightmare calling(cub scouts) in the new ward, so that whatever I do get won't seem as bad in comparison... except-- wait, what if I get THAT calling?!

Dang it. I may be sabotaging myself. 

Sigh.

Chris and I hit our new ward Sacrament Mtg today, just to scope it out. I can sum it up in 2 words. Young. Loud.

The Bishop is younger than us. That's a first for us, in the 10 or so wards I can think of, we will be older than the Bishop. I guess that's to be expected now that we've hit our 40's? Maybe it's just that this ward is so young, demographically.

LOTS of kids man. Tons. Hopefully our kids will find their BFF's in this ward. Fingers crossed.

Anyways, it felt like our last Sunday in this ward.

Here's to moving on...

Cabin Fever

Last week Ella had that nasty virus that is going around. She had a high fever for FIVE DAYS! She missed a whole week of school, and I was afraid I'd have to stay home from our planned weekend in Ashton, ID for a snowmobiling trip with my family. Her fever finally broke, 24 hrs before we were to leave.

Yay! When you're in close quarters with 15 people, you don't want to have an infectious disease going around. We loaded up the car on Thursday afternoon, and headed out. An hour into the trip, Zeke started to feel warm. Oh no. Maybe he's just hot squished in between Luke and Tess?

Snow caving

Nope. It was a fever. The poor kid spent the entire 4 days with a raging 104* fever, despite meds every 3 hours. He couldn't breathe, he had a horrible barking cough, he tossed and turned and moaned for FOUR FREAKING DAYS.

He never got to leave the cabin, but he enjoyed getting 'dressed up' anyway.

This would not have been so bad, except that he was sleeping with us. Not on the floor in his little made up bed mind you, IN BED with us. Which, had we been home, would have been one thing, seeing as we have a King size bed. In the cabin, it was a Queen, so needless to say, Chris and I were sleep deprived the whole weekend.

I only left the cabin once in 4 days, to take a walk. I went too far, the snow was too wet, and I kept falling through. By the time I realized blisters were forming, I was a long ways away, and couldn't take a short cut like I'd hoped, through the meadow. I'd have to back track, another whole 30 min. Crap. But wait! What's that noise? A snowmobile? YES! Is it one of ours? It sounds like it's coming closer! It is! Here it comes? Who is it? CHRIS!!! I'm SAVED!

He came looking for me, to 'make-out' he says. I think he has serious Jedi mind powers. He knew I needed rescuing and came to find me! What a guy!

Chris and Kate. She's loving it. 

The weather and snow conditions were pretty dismal. We were hoping for loads of snow, instead, there was loads of mud, as it actually rained 2 of the 4 days we were there. The kids still had fun though, they built a snow cave in the leftover snow banks, and did some snowmobiling in the potato fields near by.

Cabin time was spent playing games, iPods, watching movies, and playing shower  party games. What?! Yep. Mom came prepared with games played at her latest Red Hat group. I honestly cannot envision 60-70yo ladies playing these ridiculous games, but she swears they did. Here's a few clips to document the insanity.


We call this one, balls in your fanny pack. The object was to get them all out before your opponent did. As you can see, Chris totally cheated.

And this one was the golf ball in the panty-hose on your head knock over the bottle of water game. 

Mom said she felt guilty that we never played 'family games' when we were at the cabin, so she borrowed these to remedy that situation. I don't know what she's talking about though, there's always a board game or a puzzle going on. Here's a photo of the last game. It's the 'get the wafer from your forehead to your mouth game. Embarrassing? Slightly. 

Kids playing transfer the M&M's game

Despite the lack of snow and the illness, we had a good time. We ate, read, napped, and wiped Zeke's snotty nose every 3.4 seconds. Good times, good times.

Now, it's time to get into moving mode...

Limbo

I feel like we are living in limbo. We're here, but not 100%. Half our stuff is boxed up in the garage. Half my thoughts are on the new house. I can't seem to keep this house clean anymore, as my thoughts invariably go to 'I'll just have to clean it up again when we move'. I wander around the house looking at the walls that need scrubbing, the ceiling fans that need dusting, the paint that needs touch ups, and all I can think is, 'If I clean that now, I'll just have to do it again in 3 weeks'. So I do nothing. I sit here wasting time on Facebook (thanks Luke for requiring my presence on that dreaded website again... sigh) because if I continue to pack, the kids will have no clothes, and we'll be eating off paper plates for 3 weeks. I'm looking forward to spring break week, when I can pack in earnest, or clean something FOR THE LAST TIME!

Till then, we are living in barely contained chaos... such is life.

Picture Day

Don't you just love that flier that comes home a week before picture day?

"Please make sure your child doesn't miss class picture day!"

Followed by some mild guilt trip, about how they'll be the only one not in the photo.

Sigh.

I forgot it was class picture day today. I forgot it was daylight savings yesterday too. I thought I was going to be 1/2 early to my meeting, instead, I was 1/2 late, and everyone had gone home. Ergh. This memory loss thing is really starting to bug me. But I digress, back to picture day.

All the girls were complaining yesterday of feeling yucky. Sore throats, possible fevers, general malaise-- so when Tess came in at 8am (my usual wake-up call) and said she just woke up, and didn't feel so good, I gladly rolled back over (I feel a cold sore coming on)  and told her to tell the girls we'd take a sick day.

Ella actually does have a fever today, and woke up in the middle of the night with a sore throat bad enough to warrant Tylenol. I figured they weren't faking it, as it has been going around in the neighborhood.

So after a long sleep in,  I proceeded to call the carpool to let them know I wouldn't be driving. The first mom said, "Oh what a shame, it's picture day."

CRAP.

I called the school to find out what time the pictures were, maybe we could just pop in for some face time? No luck. Tess and Kate had already missed theirs, and since Ella is the one w/ the actual fever, I'm not taking her up just for that.

Sigh. I guess it's official. The Johnson's have 'left the building'-- and there will be no proof that we were actually here at all.... lol. But on the bright side, I saved $24 in class picture fees!

Poor kids...

Guardian Angels

Zeke was very nearly killed today.

I still can't believe it.

I am 100% positive that he was protected by angels. There is no other reason for his survival.

While I was busy making dinner, and the rest of the family was busy with other things, he got on his little balance bike, and rode it down our quiet, dead end street to the BUSY 4 lane street (Orchard DR.), and started along the treacherous sidewalk, separated only by curb and gutter, from cars going 35-45mph.

2 blocks away, a woman-- I just one week ago started fellowshipping(she is an inactive member)-- was out in front of her house where she saw him riding on AND OFF the sidewalk, weaving INTO THE ROAD, where a suburban was following close behind him. The driver stopped to ask her if it was her child, and her daughter who is in Ella's class started yelling, "That's Ella's brother!" So she grabbed him and called me.

Obviously, there are no words to express my horror at getting that phone call. Here I am scrambling to get dinner on the table by 5pm because the missionaries were coming, and I get this call.

I almost lost it. I still might. Can you even imagine the guilt? Believe me, my mind has already gone there, and let me tell you, it is a hell that will keep me awake at night for a week.

What if he'd tried to cross the street?
What if he'd fallen off his bike while IN the street?
What if that suburban hadn't decided to follow him, thereby exposing him to other speeding cars?
What if I had not yet met this woman, nor had her daughter over to play, so that they would not have known who he was? I'll tell you what-- Police, DCFS, investigations into my stellar parenting, where no doubt someone would have discovered that he escapes ALMOST DAILY from this house, and me, in a mental institution from the stress of discovering he was missing and having NO idea where he was.

How could this happen? you ask. I'll tell you how. No dead bolts on these doors. Handles, instead of child-proofable knobs, 2 other children who constantly leave the door open anyways, a Mother who cannot watch him 24/7, and the fact that the boy has been channeling Houdini since he could crawl.

I tell you, it is only because of his guardian angels that he is still alive today.

He was completely traumatized by this event, and clung to me for a good -- 20 minutes, even Chris couldn't console him. But then,  it was back to wreaking havoc (he hit one of the Elders w/ a serving spoon) aaaaand it's business as usual.

I HOPE that it scared him silly and he'll NEVER venture down the street again. It won't be on his bike, if he does though, because that is under lock and key from now on. I hope that impounding his getaway vehicle will keep him close by, but I have NOW learned not to put anything past this child. My days of free range chicken parenting are over. He's the ONE I'm going to have to hover over. Now, in my old age, I'm going to have to be the helicopter parent.

I am forcing myself to dwell on the positive, and not the what if's-- which I have already been over 100 times. Mostly, I am COUNTING MY BLESSINGS and thanking God for his tender mercies. Despite my negligence, he is still alive.

*I'm also counting down the days till we move into a house that has dead bolts!*

Zeke reeks havoc

This is a short list of Zeke's activities for today alone:

Threw his cereal across the room, one spoon-full at a time.

Chucked 1/2 cup of soda/ice across the car, where it exploded in Ella's lap, soaking her, on our way to school.

Pulled out an ENTIRE box of wipes, instead of napping.

Poured out ALL of Kate's earring disinfectant- down the sink? I can only guess.

Pushed his bike into his bedroom door.

Pushed his giant *metal* Tonka truck down the stairs. KA-BLAM!

Needless to say, Zeke spends a fair amount of time in the time out chair, or just plain locked in his room.

The bike and Tonka truck are now permanently banned from inside the house. He is not allowed to have any liquid that is not in an approved sippy cup. The wipes are now confiscated BEFORE nap time, and he can never be left unattended in his high chair again.

It's official. I have the world's worst toddler, and apparently, I have forgotten how to parent.

The Least of These...

A recent conversation w/ my cousin, started w/ this comment on her recipe she posted on her blog:

Me: ah– you go to all the trouble– I go get a frozen Costco lasagna! lol. It looks yummy though! 

Her: You should have tasted the cream cheese tartlet thingies that Brooke(my sister) brought.  They were the hit of the dessert bar for sure.

Me: she's such a show-off w/ her fancy desserts! lol.

Her: Laughing.  Each one had fresh raspberries or blueberries on the top and she served on cake platters that she had embellished with ribbon.  It looked really pretty.

Me: I'm so glad I don't have to compete w/ her on a daily basis. Sheesh. That would get old fast. It's bad enough being constantly upstaged by Ryan and his gourmet cooking... "Mom! You have to get Ryan's recipe for Asian tacos! He's the best cook... blah blah blah" 

"shut up already and eat your tuna casserole."

It's hard being the 'slacker' in a family of Domestic Gods/Goddesses.

It wasn't always this way, I used to be able to hold my own with the clean house, good cooking, crafting/decorating... *sigh* I'm afraid all that has gone the way of the dodo for me. It doesn't bother me, I've given up hoping to one day be Martha Stewart, that is, until I get around my family... then I start to feel a tad bit insecure.

My sister is equally at home with a spatula as she is w/ a band saw. And because she has already mastered all things domestic, she recently learned to change her own brakes. Because she can. 
Here's her family last Halloween, you know, because 'theme' costumes are so easy... notice the blue feather wigs she made? And you can't see it, but the girls shirts say 'thing 1' and 'thing 2'. She even remembered the dang fish bowl!




My brother Ryan-- well, let's just say, I envy his wife. He cooks, he cleans, he can fix/make anything. And I'm not just talking mac n' cheese from a box. I'm talking Emeril. He is hands down the best chef in the family. His house that he gutted and remodeled is GORGEOUS. I sigh every time I walk in that place. It's a craftsman masterpiece.


Ryan's wife, Les, is by far the most organized, on-top-of-it gal I know. She keeps an immaculate house, which is always decorated for every holiday, AND she does cute crafts with her boys, like this:

My brother Dru, among all his other talents,  has a thing for cake decorating. He and my SIL could start a business. He is also multi-talented in the handy-man department. Oh, and he sews. Yep. He stepped in and made these little owl pillows for our neices, because my SIL was feeling overwhelmed w/ her Christmas craft list. Uh huh. I can't find a picture of them, but they were darling.


Dru's wife Melissa USED to be the one I could outshine. Then she hit her own domestic goddess stride, and started keeping her house tidier than mine, and cooking delicious meals every night, and knitting hand made purses for everyone. I tell you, I can't even keep up with the non-blood relatives anymore!

Well, maybe Bjorn. I can still top him, but that's only because he's not even remotely interested in this game. As he told my sister, "I went to law school so I could PAY someone to change my brakes." Little did he know at the time, he'd marry my sister, who's motto in life is, "Why pay someone to do what you can do yourself-- and do it better?"

Now I'm really feeling sorry for myself. LOL.
Oh well... better get making that tuna casserole for dinner...

The whole talented bunch