Ella... again.

Ella to me: "Believe it Mom. Seriously."

Ella to Chris: "I'm gonna tell your Mom!"

Ella about Broccoli: "That's gisgusting!"

Ella praying: "Dear Heavly Fader, tank you for Jesus, Amen"

Family Portrait

I suppose it was inevitable, since our last Nakaya family picture was 5 years ago. But I just had a baby, and so did my SIL, and my sister had TWINS 6 mos ago. I don't think any of us really wanted to be photographed at this juncture. I know that I have yet to lose any baby weight. Soooo, when Mom said, "We're wearing red/black/white." I thought, Ok, I have that covered. Why, oh why, did I not think to try on my skirt before the day of the photo? I must be delusional. I've been feeding my face non-stop for 2 weeks with Christmas goodies. I'm not even close to being back to my 'normal' size, in fact, I may actually be gaining weight, why did I think I could get into that skirt?! Why? I had to pour myself into it, and then I couldn't zip it up all the way, or sit down in it. No problem, I'll just take my clothes to the photo shoot and change there. No one will see that the zipper is not up because it's in the back, and maybe I can be the only woman standing.

Fast forward to the studio, where I changed into my skirt (sucking up noise) and held my breathe for 20 minutes. I seriously tried not to breathe, for fear of my skirt busting a seam right there. And I did have to sit, ever so carefully, and then hold Zeke, who puked all over my black silk blouse, AND my skirt. Dry clean only people. Thanks Zeke. I guess it won't matter if I never fit back into that outfit again.

The photo shoot was actually pretty quick, considering there were 25 of us, including 4 babies and 2 two year olds. We got there early, and slid in for our own little Johnson Family photo before the whole gang arrived. I think the photographers whole goal was just to take a bunch of photos, and then photo shop the whole thing. There's no way we were all smiling in any of those shots. Myles (2) kept climbing down from his stool. Zeke kept trying to do crunches, hence only the top of his head was visible, and Kate was trying to bury herself in my armpit. Takeshi (5 mos) was really grumpy, but I think he held it together for at least one shot. Ella, somehow managed to have the plastic hotdog in her hands for the first 5 shots, before the photographer took it away from her. Bjorn (BIL) undoubtedly had his eyes closed in every shot, and Chris was just trying not to get dizzy from standing on his box (so that he wouldn't be the shortest guy on the back row).

I doubt you all will ever see it. I'm certainly not going to post it here. I'm sure I'll hate it, Zeke will have spit up all over the front of him, Ella will be looking at the floor, dejected at losing her hotdog, and Chris and I will both think, "Really? Am I that fat?" and sadly, the answer is--yes. Yes you are. But there I'll be, immortalized forever on my Mothers family room wall. Overweight, and covered in baby puke. It's almost enough to make me laugh. Almost.

Ooops

My cards still didn't go out today. Well, they made it out to the car, but not to the actual post office... tomorrow. I'm shooting for tomorrow... oh wait. Tomorrow is Sunday. Make that Monday. They are DEFINITELY going out Monday! Dammit. I knew I should have gone with the "Happy New Year" card instead of the "Merry Christmas" card. Next year, you're all getting e-cards!

(just in case my cards never see the inside of the post office, or I somehow missed someone (highly likely... I'm not all there... if you get my drift) here's what you missed.

Merry Christmas, the Johnson's!

Merry Christmas

Now that all the excitement is over, the family is all visited, the food is all digesting, the wrappings are (mostly) cleaned up, and the kids are in bed, I just wanted to take a minute to say Merry Christmas to all of my friends and family who take time out of their busy lives to read about my life. I love you all and appreciate the part you play in my life.

I think our Christmas was good, but I have wondered the last few years if my children truly understand why we celebrate. A friends son said, "Christmas breeds greed." Listening to Ella, you'd have to believe him. It was all about her. Grandma had a birthday cake out that said 'Merry Christmas'. She wanted to know who's birthday it was, so I asked her, "Who's birthday is today that we are celebrating Ella?" She didn't even hesitate. "MINE!" Well, she's only 3. If she still answers this way at 5, I'll have to reconsider my parenting skills.

All month long, we had the manger out, with the little container of 'hay'. Whenever you did something nice for someone, you got to put a piece of hay in the manger. Only when the manger was soft enough, could we put baby Jesus in it. I was proud of the kids, as I watched it filling up, and by last week, we were out of hay, the bed was soft, and in went Jesus. It's a little thing, and hardly competed with all the Santa excitement, but I hope they are internalizing the reason why we celebrate. For that matter, I hope I am. Some years, it seems it's hard to focus on anything but the shopping, getting the cards out, baking and 'neighborhood gifts'. It's enough to drive me to 'bah-humbug' some years. This year was better. I didn't stress too much (the cards will go out tomorrow). I tried to think of Jesus when I found myself in the longest line ever. I tried to remind my kids daily why we have Christmas. I hope it's sinking in.

I hope that all of you had a very special Christmas, full of the love of Christ and family. Merry Christmas.

Two Months

Where has the time gone? I was still pregnant yesterday...

In my extreme agitation yesterday, I forgot to post Zeke's stats. So here they are: 50% all around, head, weight, and height. He weighs 11# 9 0z. and is 23 inches tall. The doctor (who is on my sh-- list) says he's doing great. He smiled and cooed at him through the whole exam... well, until I started ranting.

He's been sleeping between 8-10 hours at night, and about 6 hrs during the day since he was 6 weeks old. He's a dream baby. Except that he hates his car seat, and the car. If it's not moving, he's screaming. Our trip to Cedar could be interesting...

Oh, and his eyes are still blue!

Duck!

This is Ella pointing her babies butt at you while making a peeing sound (ppsssss). She's shooting pee at you. This was what she chose to do at the dinner table last night instead of eating her dinner. She went around the table and 'got' us all. See why she is on the 'naughty' list this year? (No, I'm not giving her a lump of coal. Come on people, I'm not that mean!)

Liar liar pants on fire!

Ella has taken a new turn. Lying.

Last week:

After asking me if the kids could paint, and me saying No:

"Guys! Mom said we can paint!"

In the car today:

Kate: Sometimes when I'm in the car, my head aches.

Ella: Every time I'm in the car my head.... bleeds!

Yesterday:

Ella sitting and playing with domino's, knocks over said domino's, spilling them to the floor. She looks at Luke (clear across the room) and yells, "LUKE! why did you DO that!" You knocked over my house!!

And everyday:

Me: Ella, did you do that?

Ella: No, Zeke did it.

So Luke told her that if she was going to lie all the time, Santa would bring her a lump of coal for Christmas. She came upstairs crying and said, "Luke said Santa bring me a rock!" I told her that she would indeed get a black rock for Christmas if she didn't stop lying. I asked her if she was going to be a good girl and not lie anymore. She said yes. Then she immediately turned around and went shouting down the stairs, "LUKE! Mom says I'm not going to lie anymore!"

Sigh. Would I be the worst parent ever if I actually gave her a lump of coal? She really is on Santa's naughty list this year....

Angry

That's the understatement of the year. I AM LIVID! Seeing red people. RED. I just got back from Zeke's 2mo. checkup. It was the first time I've met the actual Doctor and not one of his PA's or RN's, despite the fact that it was our 4th visit to his office in 2 months.

I'll skip the details and get right to it. He told me that if I did not immunize my children, he wouldn't see them. That's right. He refuses to treat them because he feels I am an irresponsible fanatic who is opposed to immunizations. Well, he didn't say that exactly, but that was his gist.

After I listened to him go on and on and on about how I must be getting my information from 'bogus' people/web sites/sources, I asked, politely, if we could just agree to disagree on this one point. No. He said that after watching a child suffer w/ pertusis that was fully preventable, he has decided he does not have to do that anymore. Do what? Treat his sick patients? Oh, I'm sorry, I was under the impression that we only got to see him if they were healthy anyway. Any illnesses, go straight to the PA, do not pass go.

For 10 minutes I ripped him a new one. I was so mad I was shaking. I told him that my husband and I were both highly educated, responsible parents who knew the difference between blogs and actual scientific studies, that I had five children and had seen at least that many different Pediatricians, none of whom gave me anything but respect to make my own decisions, and that maybe when I called to see if he was accepting new patients, his secretary should have said, "Why yes, but only if you agree to do everything the Doctor says and leave all health decisions regarding your children up to him." I wonder what he'd say if he knew I never filled the Rx for antibiotics that his NURSE prescribed for the girls' strep throat, and wonder of wonders, they LIVED!

THE NERVE. Did they not take the Hippocratic Oath back in 1970 when he graduated from med school? Do doctors get to pick and choose their patients based on whether they think they deserve their illnesses? Do lung cancer patients get told that they won't be treated because, "I told you not to smoke."? What if I'm fat and get Diabetes, can my doctor refuse to treat me because he told me to diet and exercise? What about the teenager that gets pregnant? Surely she was told to use a condom. Better have that baby at home. I may be stretching things, and certainly he's entitled to his opinion, but to refuse to see us anymore? That's going too far. Not that I'd go back to him now anyways.

I made a complaint to the licensing board, and I'm researching how to complain to the Board of Pediatrics, AND I plan on putting an add in the local paper informing all parents what an arrogant SOB this man is. Alright, I won't do that. But I am going to tell everyone I know.

Needless to say, I am in the market for ANOTHER Pediatrician. No, scratch that. I just want a family doctor. I've had it with Pediatrician's who only see your kid for a 'well checkup'.

PS. His name is Douglas Coombs and he practices in Bountiful, for all you parents who are dying to be TOLD how to take care of your children properly.

Just chillin' w/ my bad self

I'm home alone. Well, Zeke is here, but he's asleep, so it feels like I'm alone. What a bizarre feeling. I don't know what to do with myself.

I could clean... nah.

I could prepare my SS lesson... I really should.

I could eat a whole tray of delicious fudge... oh but then Zeke would make me rue the day. Hmmm.... what should I do?

It turns out I'm pretty boring. Huh. Who knew?

I know! I'll tell you about our new car. Blogging is always a good way to kill time.

That's right, we're getting a new car. Well, it's an 05, but hey, we have a '91 and a '96, so this baby is practically brand new to us! Oh, and I guess I should mention, it's a (dramatic pause) minivan. I have finally seen the light. 2 adults + 5 kids + 3 carseats = a minivan. It was inevitable, I know, but it was a struggle for me. Why? I don't know. I just never wanted to be a 'minivan mom'. I don't know what that is, or why it has bothered me for so long. Now, I'm starting to realize that those 'minivan moms' are just a whole lot smarter than me. I mean, here I am, opening and closing doors by myself, like a sucker, when I could have just been pushing a button! And no more telling the kids, "Don't let the door hit that car next to us!" No more climbing into the back seat to buckle up Ella or put Zeke's carrier in it's holder. I can now do that without having to climb in. I may have died and gone to heaven. I forgot what a pain those baby carriers are, especially when they don't fit where they would be most accessible. Getting in either of our cars is an ordeal. Almost enough to make it not worth the trip down the road for my Coke. Almost.

And another great bonus! We are getting the car from our 'guy' in Hurricane, so we'll have to go pick it up, and STAY IN CEDAR FOR A VISIT! We're all excited about that. Hope Bonnie will be when I call to ask if the circus can stay at her house... hmmmm, better do that soon, before her sister reads this and has a chance to call her first and give Bonnie time to come up with an excuse. If I just knew when, it'd help. See, the car is coming from AZ, and with all the snow lately, the transports are backed up, so we're just waiting... waiting...

And, just to be clear, we really needed this car. The Cruiser broke AGAIN yesterday. We are borrowing a car for the time being. It will be really nice to be able to park that money pit and forget about it. (Chris thinks it's all my fault, me and my 'bad energy' with that truck. I think otherwise. Enough said.)

So here's to my boring, minivan-driving self. I am the mom. Watch me go. Ok, well, not today. Today I'm just sitting here.... blogging.

Joy to Everyone

Redbox

For the most part, I love Redbox. You can't beat a buck for a movie.

However, should you lose a DVD, or think you returned it when you actually didn't, it'll cost you.

For a measly $25, I am now the proud owner of the Proposal.

Wish I knew where it was. I swear I returned it. Sigh.

Has anyone seen my movie?

Or my brain? Anyone?

The Perfect Tree

Sigh. This post can only start with a sigh. It's been our Christmas tradition since our first year of marriage, to go and cut down our own tree. That first year, we donned snow shoes, took some friends and hiked all over the mountain till I finally convinced Chris to cut down one that was technically 'too tall', but it was perfect and I had to have it.

We've had many great adventures come from this tree tradition. It's always a major undertaking, especially as the kids multiplied, but always well worth it. We cut trees in mountains of SLC, in Albuquerque, NM, and even had a juniper 'bush' from the deserts of Las Vegas. In Cedar City, you can go down to the local Forest Service office and get a tree permit for $5, any day starting about mid November. No lines. No hassles. No chance of not getting a permit. Just go pay your money and come home with a tree tag. Then you can go cut at your leisure.

Not in SLC. You have to travel at least an hour to Heber, wait in line at 5am to get a bracelet, which guarantees you a permit, but not w/o returning to wait in another line. All this, you must do sometime in early November. We did not know this. We missed it. All the tree tags were gone in a couple of hours. That leaves us to decide between a $50 real tree, grown on a farm, that was probably cut in October and will be dead by Christmas, OR buy a fake tree.

Well I'm not a 'fake it' kinda gal. *snicker* It has to be real. It has to smell good. It has to drop pine needles all over the place for me to feel like it's Christmas. Problem is, A. $50. B. What kind of adventure is this? I sent Chris and the kids down to the corner tree lot. I didn't even have to go, because there was no chance of them coming back with a bad tree. They are all PERFECT. This bugs me a little. I mean, we've always had a bald spot we've had to hide, or a little trimming to do at least. The trees we cut down had character. We had to hike all over the mountain to find the 'perfect' one. We had to bundle up and take hot chocolate. We occasionally got caught in a blizzard. Sometimes Grandma and Papa would come visit and go with us. Somehow, getting out of the car, walking 20 steps to the first tree you see in the lot, and slapping down your credit card, doesn't scream 'family tradition' or 'childhood memories' to me. sigh. sigh. sigh.

Oh well. Next year, we'll be prepared. Next year we'll do the 5 am stand in line thing. Because it's tradition, and an adventure, and a childhood memory my kids will always have.

This year however, we'll just have to settle for the 'perfect' tree.

Disclaimer: I am by no means judging anyone for their choice of tree selection or acquirement of said tree. You have your family traditions, I have mine. Get your tree however, wherever, and in whatever manner you prefer.

Update on Kate

I took her to the pediatrician today. She thinks that since she does not twirl her hair during the day, and is not consciously pulling it out, it must just be an OCD. She gets that from her father. Chris has this nervous tick where he rolls balls of lint in his fingers, his sisters do it too. Kate sucks her fingers, and twirls her hair. Luke twirls his hair, when it's long enough, or someone else's hair if they'll let him. So it's official, we are all slightly crazy at casa de Johnson.

Poor Kate. The doc said to start her on Magnesium because OCD and anxiety patients tend to have a deficiency in that. She's too young for behavior modification therapy, and drugs are out of the question to us. It's just not that big of a deal. For now, I am putting her hair in braids at night, so she can't get ahold of anything to twirl and pull. It seems to be working, and she has not lost any more hair.

My poor poor children. With all the crazy genes on both sides, they barely have a chance to be 'normal'. Sigh.

Oh, and another bonus, the Doctor discovered both she and Ella have strep throat. Yippee.

Swing Baby Swing

I love swings. My kids have all been swingers. Wo. Not THAT kind of swinger.

Zeke wouldn't settle down in his bed the other night, so he ended up sleeping ALL night in the swing. I was so tired from walking around with him for the past 4 hours, that I fell asleep as soon as he did. I meant to get up and move him into bed, but it just didn't happen. 8 hours in the swing.

He takes all his naps in the swing. It doesn't matter that it is in the family room, and the TV and kids are blaring, he sleeps like a, well, like a baby, as long as he's in that swing! Naps in his crib only last about an hour. In the swing, they can max out at 3 hours!

It's saving my life for sure. I'm not a totally lazy parent, but let's face it, when you have a baby you can never put down when he's awake, I'll do whatever it takes to keep him napping for as long as possible. I tried to make dinner while holding him a while back. I was trying to open a can of tomato sauce, one handed, with the can opener. I had to pull the opener all the way to the front of the counter so that I could reach around Zeke to use my other hand, when POP! Off came the lid, and down went the can. Straight to the floor. It exploded upward like a volcano, covering Zeke and I and all the cabinets and floor in tomato sauce. Lovely. That pretty much changed my game plan, if Zeke isn't taking a nap, I'm not making dinner.

Now if only my swing plugged into the wall, because I'm spending a small fortune on D batteries!

Just not meant to be

The one good thing that comes from me bearing children, is the brief period where I actually have a chest. That's right. Boobs. I go from a rib and nipple to a C overnight. Never mind that Chris can't touch them because they are leaking and sore, I HAVE THEM. I can fill out a shirt. I don't look like a boy. For about a year, I have ALL the female parts.

So of course, something had to go wrong. I can't just look normal for 2 minutes. Nope. What's the problem? Well, my right boob seems to think it's 'all that', and has gone into overdrive producing the milk. It's huge (well, by my standards, *snicker*). The left boob however, is an underachiever. Content to sit idly by whilst her sister mammary does all the work, leaving me, lopsided. Sigh.

Now what? Pad one side of the bra? Too much trouble.

Nurse only on the left side? Trying it.

Give up all hopes of ever having a decent self image? Done.

I'm done caring. I'm lopsided and overweight. I truly embody the 'frumpy mom' image. I am embracing it. I'm too tired to fight it anymore. I don't own a pair of fancy pocket jeans, I don't wear make-up, and my hair is going gray. It is what it is. Age and child bearing have taken their toll on this body of clay.

I am looking forward to being perfect in heaven. That, or I'll be wearing a really big white robe and it won't matter!

OCD?

I have been finding these clumps of hair around the house for the past

few days. It looks like Kate's hair, but she swears it's not. It's a bit disconcerting, and gross, but it's just hair, right?

Then last night, Chris checked on Kate after she fell asleep. Not only was she sucking her fingers (STILL?! Arrrggghhh!) but with the other hand, she had twirled her hair into a knot, entangling her fingers in the process. Apparently when she is deep in sleep, she pulls her hand free, tearing out the knot and associated hairs. Uh huh. She is pulling out all her hair one clump at a time.

OK. So she has a lot of hair, it's ok. Then I tried to put her hair into a ponytail today. OH MY GOODNESS!!!! This is what I found.

So now I don't know what to do. I mean, with the finger sucking (that I thought we had licked) I can put that nasty tasting stuff on her fingers. What am I supposed to do about this? Tie her hands to the bed? And WHY is she doing this anyway? Is this NORMAL? I think not. I'm beside myself. I have no idea how to fix this problem before she literally rips out all of her hair one clump at a time. Any suggestions? Anyone?

(Luckily, she still has enough to cover the bald spot... for now. AND, I've had to add a new label to my posts, just for Kate. Sigh*)

Happy Thanksgiving

Well, I just realized that the last post wasn't very festive. So here's my list of things I happen to be grateful for most today (in no particular order):

tampons (can I get an AMEN SISTAH!?)

sleeping babies

easy food assignments for Thanksgiving

FAMILY- Chris' and Mine and of course, OURS!

The Gospel and the peace it brings my life

Sanity

Friends far away and close by

Happy Turkey day everyone. I'm going to eat myself sick and start my diet tomorrow. Yeah, right. Who am I kidding?

Freedom of Information

I just had my 6 week post partum (sp?) check up. Guess what the midwife said? After 2 weeks you can ditch the maxi's and use tampons. I could have been using tampons for a whole month!? I've had FIVE children, and this is the FIRST time I've heard of this!? Fess up, how many of you knew this and didn't share?! Or were you all using Maxi's -like a sucker- just like me?

Well I'm going to pass on the information to the one pregnant woman who reads this. Note to Jessie: After 2 weeks you can go back to civility!!! Woooohoooo! This new development has increased my happy factor by a ton. I hate those damn Maxi's. Couple that with the fact that my boobs have finally equalized and I no longer need the pads in the bra... I am partying like it's 1999 people.

And Zeke is sleeping through the night. Last night he went to bed at 10pm. At 6am, my boobs hurt so bad that I woke him up to feed! I love this child with blue eyes (yep, they're still blue- fingers crossed!)

Moab sans Mama

The happy campers are back, and despite the SNOW, they had a great, albeit, filthy time. What did I expect? I don't know, maybe that they would change their clothes at least ONCE in 3 days? or brush their teeth? It never ceases to amaze me when they show up in the SAME outfit they left in, 3 days before. Only the clothes are so dirty they are stiff, and seem to be wearing the kids. I even asked Chris this time, "Should I even bother packing the toothbrushes?" He assured me they would brush. Nope. Upon questioning, the kids all said they didn't have toothbrushes. Dad didn't tell them they did. Hmmm.... next time, I won't even bother to ask.

And no, hair-do's were not a priority either.

Ella and 'fun dad'(the one NOT concerned with personal hygiene.)

Apparently, this was the trip of tongues.

Ella, tonguing the jeep...

And Luke.

Sunday morning was a bit chilly... they ate breakfast at McDonald's.

(And btw, I DID clean the carpets. Mom said she'd come over and do it, so that did it, I HAD to. But I did have a lovely lunch with an old friend, and I got some shopping in, at Costco.)

The squeaky wheel...

gets the grease.

I have been stewing over these medical bills that in essence totaled $9824.00 for a month now.

I applied for financial aid through IHC. I was denied. I had PCN insurance, but maternity was not covered. I was resigned to paying a few hundred bucks a month for the rest of my life.

The best I could hope for was a 30% discount if I paid in cash in 30 days. Still, kind of hard to do. So I called again, and basically begged for help. "If I pay now, is there anything you can do to knock this bill down?" I asked the midwife's billing office. The nice lady asked if I had applied for financial aid. Yes. I was denied. Did you have any insurance? PCN. "Oh, well that's good news then. They should't have denied you if you qualified for PCN at the time of the birth. It was our last month on PCN. We don't qualify anymore. BUT we did then!

So, all day on the phone with 3 different billing offices, and long story short:

Anesthesiologist....$1050, down to $730. (Yeah, it was STILL worth it.)

Midwife original bill....$2700. Knocked down to $780. (Ok, she was worth that much.)

Hospital for Kristin.... $5399. down to $250!!!!

Hospital for Zeke.... $674. down to $250!!!!

New total $2010.00. I dare say it would have cost us more had we had insurance for the whole 9mos. I love it when I win.

Can we say Happy Dance? It does pay to be persistent, and if necessary, to beg. I may have no pride, but I still have my money!

And btw, I am now a HUGE fan of IHC. Thank you kind man in billing office!

Alone plus one

Chris is going to Moab today with the older four kids. My brother Ryan takes his four, and his BFF, Dusty takes his girls. Everyone has a friend, and mom's need not bother. I think it's wonderful, as I'm not what some might call, 'a camper'. I think we all remember my last attempt at Moab. Disaster.

So, it's just Zeke and me. I'm not sure if it's going to be easier or harder. On the one hand, I'll have no one to yell at, pick up after, or cook for. On the other hand, I'll have no one to hold Zeke, while I shower, or pee. No one to spell me for the 4 hr. nightly walking-around-the-house ritual that's he's fallen into. Tess is my biggest holder. Luke only likes to hold him when he lays perfectly still and doesn't fuss. At the slightest sign of distress, Luke's passing him back. Typical male. Kate and Ella can only hold him until the weight of his head pulls him off their lap and into some awkward twisted position which he doesn't enjoy. So Tess, I'll really miss Tess.

On my list of things to do while they are gone, prepare my SS lesson, clean the carpets, take my friend to lunch for her bday. I may not get to the carpet cleaning, if we're being honest. It's the perfect time to do it, I know, but it just doesn't sound like something I want to do on my 'day off', ya know?

Have fun happy campers. Mom will be just fine without you. Don't cry. *snicker*

Sugar Addict

What do you do when you KNOW you should have a piece of fruit for breakfast... but what you REALLY want is to open a can of sweetened condensed milk and slurp it down? Are candy corns a happy medium? I hope so, because that's what I'm having for breakfast today.

I know. I'm beyond help. But hey, at least I've kicked the caffeine habit.

TMI

(*warning* this post contains *female* issues)

OK. So I've reached my limit with 'absorbent pads'. Seriously, how LONG can this bleeding last? It's been almost 5 weeks. It's the period from HELL. FIVE WEEKS of wearing a maxi pad! I LOATHE maxi pads. How do women stand these? Have they not heard of the tampon? Why oh why, would you choose a DIAPER over something as wonderfully undetectable as a tampon? And with the garments, don't even get me started. The bleeding has stopped for as long as 2 days, but the minute I take out the pad WHAMMO! Here comes another round. I swear someone is laughing at me. And lets not forget the two pads at my boobs, making by bra look lumpy, and increasing the discomfort level by at least 2 notches. My boobs are always damp/itchy/sore because of the leaking and these stupid pads. I think I could handle the sleepless nights so much easier if the waking hours didn't contain so many absorbent pads.

And now I'm done ranting. Somewhere on my body, there is a pad that needs changing.

This post is proof positive that my neighbor and Bishopric counselor will never get an invite to my blog.

Little Boys

Ella said to me yesterday, "Zeke is boy mom, cause he has peanuts."

At first I thought she meant 'penis', but today she was watching me change his diaper and she said, "Yep, he has a weenie and peanuts. He's a boy."

$$$

Hospital Bill... $5398.84

Discharge charge (seriously?)....$94.00

Blood Draw before birth.... $196.00

Anesthesiologist (totally worth it).... $1050.00

Midwife (not worth it).... $ 2700.00

20% of Zeke's bill..... $350.00

Healthy baby.... priceless.

But we're still going to be paying for this little bundle of joy for, like, EVER. sigh.

Before

During After

Way after

Same old Same old

Yes I know. I changed my blog layout BACK to the original. What can I say? I am a creature of habit, and I like that lighthouse! It makes me calm to see it. I don't know why. I'm just weird that way. So sorry Brooke, if you want variety, you'll just have to be happy with Melissa's ever changing layout. Heck, half the time, I think, wait a minute, is this the right blog? See, with mine, you always know you're in the right place...

The obligatory Halloween post

Our 8# pumpkin, and yes, that is a real social smile! Isn't he the cutest?
Ella wanted to be a piano. Then she decided she'd be a car seat. I'm not sure if she completely understood the whole costume thing this year, or if she just thought I could pull any outfit out of the hat. She settled for a princess. Whew.
Tess was a crazy/tacky lady. She and Grandma came up with this beautiful outfit. Thanks Grandma!
Kate was the witch. Of course, after a few houses, the wand and hat were ditched.
3 days pre Halloween (note to Dru and Melissa, this is the time to carve pumpkins) There are no photos of Luke in costume because he didn't go trick or treating this year. He opted to go to the annual Johnson Halloween cousin party, for 12 and ups. They do baptisms for the dead, I know, very apropos, and then they have dinner and play the candy game. He had a blast, and we were proud of him for choosing the 'higher' road.
Tess' pumpkin
Kate's. All these pumpkins were home grown btw. The first year we haven't had to shell out money for them. Thanks to Grandma Johnson for watering the garden all summer for us!
And finally, Zeke doing his impression of a mummy... uuummmmppphhhh! His shirt says, My Mummy loves me, and I sure do.

I'm back baby!

Got a new computer tonight. The virus I downloaded onto the old one was so bad the tech guy couldn't save it. Rest in Peace old PC, I'm a Mac now!

More later...

Swine Flu

Kate came down with fever 2 weeks ago. It was mild, and she wasn't sore or achy. It lasted 24 hrs. and then she got a cough that lasted about a week. Then Tess got it, but not as bad. Then Luke got it, slightly worse. Then Ella, much worse, but still not too bad. She had a 102* fever for about 3 days, now she's just got the cough. Apparently, this was the H1N1 flu. Chris, Zeke and I have been spared. No signs of the flu in us. Keeping Ella away from Zeke has been next to impossible, so I'm so grateful that he remains healthy.
I don't know what all the fuss was about. This flu is way better than the 'regular' flu. In fact, I'd take this one over the normal seasonal flu any time. The kids barely acted sick. I kept them home from school for 4-5 days, just because of the 24 hr. fever free rule, but otherwise, they just enjoyed having a break from school. Except Luke missed his end of term parties. Bummer for him. But great for me, I've had a babysitter for a week! I've been to lunch with friends, shopping, and errand running, it's been great. Next week I'll be back to confinement though, because let's face it, getting 3 kids buckled up is just not worth it.
Hope everyone at your house is healthy, and dont' fear the Swine flu. Apparently, if it doesn't kill you, it's a walk in the park.

Motherhood

My friend Julie, who is an AMAZING person, was being questioned by her daughter. "Is it hard being a mom?" she asked. Immediately Julie answered, "No, being a Mom is easy. "

Immediately she answered. She didn't even have to think about it! Even as I was reading the question, I was thinking to myself, 'HELL YES it's hard!'

So... am I just a bad Mom? Am I alone in this opinion? Is it just that I still have little kids/babies, and she is out of that stage? But even then, aren't teenagers even harder? I say again, she is an amazing person, the most positive upbeat perpetually happy person I know. I dare say she is my exact opposite. Sad, I know.

STILL! I was/am flabbergasted. Being a mom is THE hardest thing I've ever done in my life. IN MY LIFE. Hormones aside, the day to day grind is sometimes enough to bring me to my knees. I find myself wishing these early stages away. "When I'm not nursing through the night anymore... When the last one is potty trained... When he is old enough to get his own cereal... THEN it'll be better. But I know that's not true. I have too many friends with teenagers to know that it doesn't get easier, it gets harder.Motherhood is a life long hard hard job. But I realized something this year, through all the hormones, I really do love it. I love watching Ella singing to herself, watching Kate draw one of her many masterpieces, talking to Tess after school as she tells me all about her day, in minute detail! Seeing Luke pass the sacrament, so handsome, even if he does walk funny... and Zeke is amazing. I love newborns. I don't love the lack of sleep, or the sore nipples, but I love holding him on my chest, realizing that this precious child JUST came from heaven, and that I have the privilege of raising him. I know it will be hard work. But so worth it. So worth it all.

Light

Thanks everyone for your concern, but I think I'm going to survive. Today I felt much better. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm sure it's not over yet, but having a 'normal' day, makes me feel like there is hope that one day I'LL be 'normal' again. Whatever that means. Oh, and I promise to take some shots of Zeke soon and post them. Hopefully I'm getting my computer back soon.
We went to the Doc for his 2 week check today. He was 8#. So the excruciating nipple pain is doing him some good at least. And he's been sleeping longer than 4 hrs. at night, and the much needed REM sleep is also helping me. One night he slept 8 hrs.! Can you believe that? A week old at the time. He's a keeper!

Boobs

So remember how I used to be a 36 A? My (then) age and personality type?
I'm a 38 C now. Thanks to the lactating. I'm also 38 years old. As for the C personality type, I'm going to define a new type. Mentally unstable. Postpartum at 38 is much worse than it was with the previous 4. Much worse. Sissies need not apply. For any of you older gals thinking of getting pregnant, be warned, it's a train wreck. Make that, I'M a train wreck. Holy Cow. I don't want to be this person, I'll take the big boobs, and the baby, but really, everything else is just crap. CRAP.

Brain

I was trying to get Zeke to take his binky the other day, and he wasn't really into it. Just kind of licking it and gumming it. Ella observed that he wasn't doing it correctly and commented, to which I told her he just didn't really know what to do with it yet.
"Because he has a little brain?" she wondered.

The Poop Post

Chris has only changed like, three diapers. I know, why am I letting him get away with this? Well, Zeke isn't. When Luke was a baby, he could poop like a rainbird. You know, the sprinklers? If you weren't careful, he could literally send his poop out in a 5 ft. trajectory. Apparently, it's a 'guy' thing, because Zeke just did the same thing. To Chris. Priceless.
Chris: "He just shit on me! I'm the pada familia, he can't do that to me!"
That's my boy. Good job son.
He sprayed Chris, the bed, the cradle, and the floor. And then he peed. I'm still laughing.
He never poops on me. He knows where his bread is buttered.

Ezekiel Ichiroji Johnson

Arrived at 8:08 pm on October 8, 2009. One day, 4 hrs before his due date, but I cheated. I had my last prenatal exam that morning, and let my midwife talk me into breaking my water. Not that it was a tough sell. Chris was chomping at the bit, so we went in to the hospital at about 1 pm. Broke the water...walked the halls...4pm got the epidural...7pm started the Pitocin...pushed through 2 contractions, out he came. One tiny stitch, no pain there. Afterbirth pains manageable, nothing as horrific as Ella's. No hemorrhaging this time. Everything went well. I was in my room at 10pm where we got NO sleep till about 8am. What a circus.
Knock knock... it's your nurse
Knock knock... it's your CNA
Knock knock... it's the pediatrician
Knock knock... housekeeping
Knock knock... Audiologist
Knock knock... lactation consultant
Knock knock... midwife
Knock knock... room service. Okay, I ASKED them to come, and they came bearing food, so I won't complain, but seriously, everyone else just LEAVE ME ALONE!!!
Despite the fact that we are uninsured and were not wanting to rack up further bills, I was SO ready to go. I would've left Friday, but my GrpB strep status was unknown, so Zeke had to stay till Saturday. But as soon as they gave the all clear, we were outta there!
Even with Ella bugging me every 30 seconds, I still have more peace at home. So we're home! Feel free to drop by. We're moving into the basement starting tomorrow, I feel great, and we would love visitors. But I'm not really too concerned with personal hygiene yet. So you've been warned.Oh, and besides 'Zeke', Ella has nicknamed him 'Zekeo'- her version of Ezekiel. She runs through the house singing Zekeo Zekeo Zekeo! He may not survive her mauling, but he can't complain that there's no love, he's surrounded by siblings who can't get enough of him. And yes, he is almost blond, and his eyes are lighter than any of the others, so...maybe. He has HUGE feet but other than that, he's kind of scrawny... well compared to Kate and Ella who were nearly 9# both of them. Can't figure out why I was so huge... coke and candy bars everyday? hmmm...

The Brother of Luke

So, everyone has been asking what this kids' name is. I keep hedging.
"We haven't decided yet."
"We're still debating."
If you've asked me, you've no doubt heard this. Well, we have decided, but I'm not in love with the name. Why are we naming him that then? Because I believe it is the name he's supposed to have. What does that mean? I'll leave it up to you to decide. Suffice it to say, I have been trying to change it, but it's not to be. It is, what it is. I'm not embarrassed, well, maybe a little, but in the end, it doesn't really matter what anyone thinks right? Dru? Melissa? LOL. Sorry, private joke there.
One problem with his name, is that it is really long. You may have noticed I have a pattern going on, 4 letter names, with one syllable, except Ella- and she was almost named Elle, jut to keep to the pattern, with Japanese middle names. This name has 4 syllables in the first AND middle name. Yep. That's why I think we should just call him the 'Brother of Luke', as in 'the Brother of Jared'. With a name like Mahonrimoriancumur, you can see why they just went with the Brother of Jared. This babies name is sort of like that. It's a mouthful. But it does have meaning. His first name is Chris' great great great grandfathers name. He was the first to join the church, thereby bringing thousands of Johnson's into the fold. He was also named after a Bible prophet. *Hint*
The middle name is my Japanese grandfather's name. It means first son of the second set. I know. Not exactly something to 'live up to'. The Japanese can be so uncreative in naming children (In grandma's family, the names are 1st girl, 2nd girl, 3rd girl, and 1st boy. Wow. How'd you like to be known only as 3rd girl?). My Grandfather had at least 2 older brothers that both died, in childhood. When he was born, he was the first son again, but not really. But this is all beside the point. The reason we are naming him after Grandpa is because I've had some really special experiences with him since he's passed on. I've been working on his genealogy, and I've been aware of his presence more than once. For some reason, I feel he and this child have a special bond. Hence, the name.
Yada yada yada, just get on with it, what's the name you ask?
I'm not saying. Not till he's born, it's on the birth certificate, and no one thinks they can talk us out of it, because I KNOW someone in my family will try.
Patience people. If I can be pregnant for a FULL FORTY FREAKING WEEKS, you can all handle the suspense.

She said

We were telling the kids how they couldn't come to the hospital when the baby is born, due to the extreme paranoia over Swine Flu, when mid-bite, Kate turns to me with an incredulous look on her face and blurts out, "You're having a baby?!"
I'm pretty sure she already knew this, and just thought we meant right at that moment...

During conference I braided all the girls hair. Ella, not wanting to be left out of this girly ritual, kept saying, "Mom! I want a brain!" When I finally did her hair, she complained that the other girls had two, "Why I don't have 2 brains Mom? Cause I cut my hair?" Yep, it's too short for two honey. "When my hair grows long I can have 2 brains?" You betcha.

And lastly, Tess went to bed with her new $500 retainer IN her mouth. She woke up WITHOUT it. Despite our search, it is nowhere to be found. I'm wavering between panic, and calm. Surely it will turn up somewhere right? RIGHT?!

And... still pregnant. Dilated to a 2, 90% effaced. Nothing. Don't call me. I'm bitter.

No kids

Today I went to get my only-when-I'm-busting-out-about-to-pop-pregnancy-pedicure. I've had 3 in my life. They are a luxury I can only seem to justify when I'm so miserably huge I want to die. Anyway, the little Vietnamese lady asked me, "Dis you first?" To which I said, "No, my fifth." when that inevitable look of shock appeared she exclaimed, "You superwoman!" I don't feel so super these days. My toes are gorgeous, albeit a tad swollen, and I think the warm gold polish I picked out is nice, and won't scare the baby when he enters the world, but other than that, I am miserable.
I spent the afternoon at my in-laws, where 4 of Chris' sisters and I lamented pregnancies. I told them all how it is not only more difficult physically this time around, but emotionally, and mentally. They all agreed that the older they were, the harder it was in every way. 17 yr. olds are best suited to child bearing. Apparently, according to the research, your body bounces back and recovers completely at that age. At MY age, you never recover totally. I know that my bladder control is never coming back, but I wonder if my emotional state is also permanently whacked. I literally feel out of control most days, and find myself wondering just WHO this crazy person is that has taken over my body.
Example: Chris was late getting home from work the other day. Not extremely late, but, if 5:30 rolls around and he's not sitting at the table, I literally freak. In my mind I had the divorce all ready to go, his bags packed and sitting on the porch, and the dialogue all planned out. It was over. Damn him for 'doing this' to me, doesn't he know that my sanity clock runs out at 5:30pm.... on the DOT?! I was fuming. It took me all night to calm down. In the morning I woke up thinking, 'What is wrong with me?!' I. Am. Certifiable. Just commit me to the funny farm now. I'm a woman on the edge. The edge of reason.
But I digress, this post was about having no kids. As soon as I got back from my pedicure, my Mom took them all to the zoo, and then to her house for pizza, movie night, and a sleepover with my brothers kids. Chris was off today too, so we spent the day at his folks, and then went to dinner, and watched a movie... ALONE. It should have been such a relief. I shouldn't have even thought about the kids ONCE, right?
Wrong. I wondered if they were warm enough at the zoo. I wondered if Ella ran away from the group. I wondered if they were home yet. I couldn't stop thinking about them ALL DAY. All I do is wish I could have a day without them, and then when I get it, I pine over them. It's pathetic. I finally couldn't take it, so we drove up to make sure they were settled before we saw the movie. I almost went back over AFTER the movie. Just to check. Tonight will be the first night in months that we will not have a child in between us at some point in the night. I should be elated. But I'm wondering who Ella will crawl in with when she wakes up. I wonder who will pee the bed/floor/sleeping bag. I'm wondering if they remembered to brush and if Luke is wearing his retainer.
It's official people. I'm losing it. Is this what it means to be a mother? You have NO life or thoughts of your OWN that don't involve your children ever again? Even when you desperately need a break? I'm hoping it's just more crazy hormones. I'm hoping that at some point in the next month I will regain my sanity. I hope that I will be able to function on a normal level again sometime in the future. For now, I'm just hanging on. Barely.
I have an appt. tomorrow with the Midwife. Chris is coming to meet her. I may have her strip my membranes. If I don't have this baby soon, I may never recover mentally... I may have to rename this blog "Visiting hours at the funny farm".
Oh, and here's another lovely bit of news, because of swine flu (seriously? are we still worried about this?) the kids will NOT be able to come visit the baby and I at the hospital. They are going to be so upset. Them? What about me? I may be a basket case worrying about them in the 3 days I spend up there. Maybe I can get a few Valium pills before my milk comes in... you know... just to keep me sane...

Virus

My laptop has a virus. A bad one. Chris took it to work eons ago to try and get their tech guy to fix it. I have yet to see it. For now, I have to use his, when he's home, late at night. This is not my ideal time to blog/surf the web. I am tired and want to go to bed. So I'm not keeping up with much. Tonight I decided to do a little bit, but you may not see/hear from me again for a while. It's too much hassle. He doesn't have Picassa, and uploading stuff is a pain. Hopefully mine can be salvaged, if not, we need another one, but that means capital, so, you know. Who knows how long I'll be out. I still try to read everyone's blogs, but I don't have much time, so I don't comment as much. I'm still reading though. And word to the wise, if your computer starts flashing virus alerts at you and tells you to hurry and download the software to fix it immediately.... DON'T! Man. I can't believe I fell for that one. How dumb am I? I'm blaming the pregnancy. My IQ falls daily... 13 more days people. 13 more days.

Thirty Eight

Friday was my birthday. I've been dreading it, not because 38 is much different than 37, but that it means I'll be that much closer to 40 when this baby finally arrives, and that just seems so old...
That said, it was a GREAT birthday. So many friends and family members showed so much love. I am truly blessed. Even Facebook is a good thing when it's your birthday. Thanks to FB, people I haven't seen or heard from in years can wish me a happy birthday! Even my HS flame sent me a birthday wish. He didn't even do that when we were a couple!
Anyway, it was a great day, and next day, as more friends showered me with attention. Exactly what every miserably pregnant woman needs. Thanks everyone!
Dinner with some old HS friends at the Cheesecake Factory, my favorite restaurant.

Parenting, done right

You know how I have issues with Martelana, the wild street child? Well, since her mother was so blah about the hair cutting incident, I have not taken any of my 'other' concerns to her, seeing as it did no good the first time. That said, there are good parents on this street. The other night, two 6 yr. old boys from across the street were playing on the swings out back. Luke went out after they had gone and discovered that someone had picked our grapes and smashed them all over the sidewalk and side of the house leading to the basement apartment. We deduced it was the boys. I didn't hesitate to call their mothers and tell them that while no one actually saw them do it, the evidence was there, and would they please speak to their sons and IF they did do it, send them over to clean up in the morning. I wasn't mad, and I was VERY nice. They both agreed. Less than an hour later, one of the boys was over with his father, scrubbing the sidewalk with broom and pail, in the DARK, and then came to the door with the cutest memorized apology you've ever heard. When I said to his dad, "You didn't need to come tonight, in the dark." He said, "Yes, we did. And Adam will be making better choices in the future, won't you son?" Bravo. Bravo. This is what children need. To be accountable for their mistakes, and to make ammends. The next morning Eric and his mother were over, they scraped off the grapes from the side of the house, and then he sheepishly handed me this cute picture.Notice how the boy stomping the grapes has an X through him? I thought that was so cute. On the other side, it said, Sorry. Eric. He couldn't bring himself to look me in the face (I know, I must be scary), but this picture was more than enough of an apology. Hurray for good neighbors! Hurray for responsible parenting. It's exactly what I would have done had they been my children, and so I'm grateful to know that I'm not alone in my thinking. Martelana is still another story, but, seeing the apathy of her mother, I'm not surprised she is as naughty as she is. There's my parenting soap box. Teach your children responsibility! or at least, keep them away from mine!

Psych

Kate went to bed in our bed last night. We are still trying to work out having all three girls in the same room...
Chris got home at MIDNIGHT from work. He went straight to bed, but came out and said, Kate peed on my side of the bed. "Bummer." I said without looking up from my book. He drug the floor mat into Luke's room to sleep on.
I changed Kate's pants, and put a towel over the 'wet spot', pushed her back onto it and went to bed.
In the morning, Kate needed her baggie of ice, for her hugely swollen mosquito bit arm.
"Where did you leave it?"
"I don't know... I had it in bed last night."
Hmmm, after some investigation, I can discover no pee spot on the sheet, or the mattress pad, and her PJ's and undies don't smell like pee.
Psych! Just a leaking bag of melted ice. LOL. But poor Luke. He ended up on the couch because Chris' snoring was so loud. I know buddy. I know. I haven't slept in months.
(But at least now, I know how to get the bed to myself... )

Stylist wanted

I got my hair cut up here for the first time today. I've replaced every other professional in our lives, this was the last 'moving' hurdle. I had high hopes. I have had the same stylist in Cedar City for the last 9 years. Even when we moved to Vegas for 4 years in the middle of those 9, I STILL drove to Cedar to get my hair done. Finding a new stylist has been harder than finding an OB! I didn't think I was picky, or too obsessive about my hair. Apparently, I AM. I need someone who can use a razor. When someone comes at me with thinning shears, I want to run screaming from the chair.
I went back to a salon in SLC that I used to go to... like 12 years ago. Of course it was a different girl. I told the receptionist I wanted someone who knew how to handle herself with a razor. I was promised that she did...
When I came in the door after my appointment, Tess said, "It'sssss...... short." Hmmm. When that is the only comment your NINE year old can come up with, I think it's pretty safe to say it was NOT a successful cut. She DID use a razor, but NOT proficiently. *sigh*. At least I have 8 more weeks to find someone else. It'll take at least that long to grow out this mess. I'd post a picture, but it's too depressing. Is 4 hours too far to drive for a haircut?

jinx

Ella wet the bed last night. Easy come, easy go. *sigh*

more potty talk...

A few nights ago, Tess had a dream she was peeing on the toilet. She wasn't on the toilet.

Last night, Kate was found asleep on the toilet in the wee hours of the night. Totally asleep.

Ella, having declared she no longer needed pull-ups, refused to wear them anymore. She has not wet the bed since. Good thing. She's in our bed almost every night.

I wonder if it's too late to put plastic covers on every mattress in the house... because, you just never know who's going to need it.

Baby or Alien?

Last night we were all entertained by the fetus. He was doing jumping jacks or something in there, cause it looked like he was trying to get out! Chris started doing an impression of an alien emerging from some cocoon, I started having thoughts of an actual alien tearing its way out of my mid section, and the kids were just glued to my belly, laughing and screaming every time it jumped and moved. It's getting close enough that I am actually starting to think in terms of 'the baby' and not just 'this miserable pregnancy'. Still, even after 4, it is a bit surreal to me. One day I'm miserably pregnant, the next day, there is another human being on the planet. Oh, and Ella says our baby has 3 bums. She wondered where his bum was, and when I directed her to a hard spot in my belly, she started feeling around and came to the conclusion that he actually has 3. Hmmmm, maybe it will be an alien after all...

Overnighter

This ward has a great scouting program. Luke has already been on 2 camp outs, and one more is planned before the summer ends. Chris went with him on this one.

Eating the camp food of choice, Ramen, with hand carved chopsticks.

What are these called? Cairns? I don't think anyone could miss this one.

Street party

In Cedar, we had a street party every July. We (our street party planner, Bonnie) blocked off our street, and hired a band, and everyone in the neighborhood was invited. It was a highlight of our summers, and the kids were bummed that we wouldn't have it anymore.
Well, because this house is on a cul-de-sac, our street also has an annual BBQ. No band, but this year, a dunk tank! I think if you asked the kids, they'd say they prefer the dunk tank (sorry Bonnie!) We could barely pull them away to eat. The kids had a riot. It was nice to get to know the neighbors a little better, and to realize, that even though moving was horrible, life continues, and can be, just as much fun.It was more of a really small swimming pool, than a dunk tank.
Floatie's, of course. In case she falls off her bike and onto her arm... the tank was too deep for her.