You can pick your...

I can pick my nose; I can pick Tess' nose;

I can pick Dad's nose; Oh, now this is talent, I can pick my nose AND Dad's nose at the same time!

According to Ella, you can pick your friends, your nose, and your friends nose!

The favorite babysitter

Or TV as I call it. How much time does your child have to spend in front of the tube before you can actually claim the title, "Bad parent"? I only have one couch potato. Kate. She is my child that never bores of watching the same movie over and over and over and over again. Really, she watched Dinotopia 4 times back to back yesterday. In my defense, this is not always our daily routine, but she has been sick, and since we've been stuck inside for the duration, well, you can only play, 'mom and daugther' so many times before you start cracking up.

Kate: "Daughter, do you want me to make you some lunch?"
Me: "Why yes, mom, I'd love some lunch!"
Kate: "Daughter, do you want me to help you get dressed?"
Me: "No mom, I think I need a nap, I'll be in bed if you need me...."

And so it goes, for as long as I can stand it. Usually after 45 min. of this I surrender to my selfish side and suggest a movie. Which she is always up for. Poor child. Some days she only speaks in movie lingo. She's got a mind like a steel trap when it comes to quoting movies. Seriously scary. Well, I have to keep up my bid for that 'Mother of the Year' award somehow don't I?

Oh honey...

Chris called this morning to say he had just done something really stupid. Hmm...my mind starts to whir; car accident, traffic ticket, forgot his underwear? No, something worse I'm afraid. He filled my dad's DIESEL truck with REGULAR gas. 30 gallons of it. Well at least he realized his mistake before starting the engine, that would have been a $10,000 mistake. As it was, just a tow truck, and a mechanic to drain the tank. No biggie honey, it's only gas. and a truck. that's not ours. Just have him take it out of our paycheck.

That was Easy

I know, the eChristmas card is annoying, even offensive to some, but man! It was sure EASY!!

I have been stressing about it for a month now. You know, should we do matching outfits, the whole family, or just the kids? Do I have a vacation shot from this past year that would work? NO. Why does one person always have their eyes closed? How long will it take Costco to actually print them up? Will I get carpal tunnel addressing 50+ cards? How much do stamps cost these days? I never mail anything anymore, so I haven't set foot in a PO in months!

I finally just gave up on getting the perfect shot and turned it over to my BFF's husband to work his magic, and he did. Several people told me it looked professional. Well he is a professional, so it was. Ha! I did none of the work, and get all the credit! How EASY is that?! And the best part? The instant replies from long lost friends, all commenting on my beautiful children, well of course they are, but it really is gratifying to get a response, even if it is just to state the obvious. (We are all a little biased about our kids right? I can't be the only one!)
Soooo, for those of you who hate the ecard, just know that it made my stress filled holidays a little less stressful, and allowed me to think a little more about all the wonderful people in my life and the reason for the season!

Santa? Where?

Our ward Christmas party was last Wednesday night. Chris was gone of course, since he's started working for my dad in SLC. He leaves Monday night and comes home Friday night. Anyway, it started at 6:30, we had to be there at 6:15 so Luke and Tess could participate in the live nativity. The kids were in their places as people began to arrive. Well, dinner didn't get started till 7, which is 1.5 hours past our normal dinner time, so the kids were beside themselves, Ella especially. Then they made the kids in the nativity stay in their places while the old people filed past to get their dinner, so they could reflect on the reason for the season. It was torture for them. They finally released them around half way through to join the line. I was grumbling, because any parent should know that kids need to eat first, they don't have the patience to sit and watch everyone else get their food, especially so late at night, but NOOOOO, old people first! ARGH! I took Kate and Ella and marched up to the line with the old folks without apology. I mean come on! Can't they hear the kids whining about the food? Luke was practically the last person to get his meal. By this time I was DONE. So done. But then, here comes the 'show' part of the evening. Guess what it was? Pass the mic to the old people so we could listen to them regale Christmases past. Seriously, I was beyond done. Ella was wandering about the gym as she pleased, the kids all snuck out and were running around the building like a pack of wild dogs. Parents were drawn out to the hall to see what all the mayhem was about, and still, the mic keeps going around.
If I've never explained this before, we live in the old section of Cedar. LOTS of octogenarians in the ward. Then the newlyweds make up the next largest group since there are several apartment complexes within our boundaries, and then the STP. That's code for 'same 10 people'. In the middle, those of us with kids, middle aged. The ones doing all the callings, and all the work.
Soooo when a particularly shrill scream penetrated the closed doors, I took my cue to exit and round up my hooligans, this was 9pm, and I figured we'd only miss more stories about Christmas back when they didn't have cars, only I didn't know, that Santa was last on the bill. So my kids were home in bed when he finally made his appearance. But it was a school night! Ella was 2 hours past her bedtime, and I was getting a serious headache. Ah well, another year with no Santa photos...not that I remembered the camera, what with the 4 kids, the angel and Joseph costumes, a pan of funeral potatoes and extra diapers already in hand....sigh. If we only had a mall here, I might could rectify the situation. As it stands though, I'm going to have to crash some other ward party to get in a sighting of the jolly old elf.
Well, the plus side to living in a small town, when the kids write a letter to Santa and drop it in the mail, they get an actual letter back from him! Apparently our Post Office workers have free time during the Christmas rush to personally respond as Santa. Tess' letter told her there were plenty of Gameboys to go around (thanks a lot) and that he sympathized with her for not being able to have a cat due to her mothers allergies. Hilarious.

Grinch

I hear that in many places something has happened to Christmas; that it is changing from a time of merriment and carefree gaiety to a holiday which is filled with tedium; that many people dread the day and the obligation to give Christmas presents is a nightmare to weary, bored souls; that the children of enlightened parents no longer believe in Santa Claus; that all in all, the effort to be happy and have pleasure makes many honest hearts grow dark with despair instead of beaming with good will and cheerfulness. ~Julia Peterkin, A Plantation Christmas, 1934

I hate to admit it, but I've been a bit of a Grinch this year. Christmas time just seems like all work and no peace, and isn't that what the season is about? Peace on earth? Peace in my head? That's all I wanted this year was to enjoy a little peace and quiet. Instead, I'm stressing about sending out cards, buying all those stamps, baking, candy making, shopping, budgeting, visiting, decorating, traveling, packing, making gifts, trying to decide what gifts to buy/make, and last but not least, the weather. The lows this week are in the single digits and my old drafty house with it's single paned windows, no insulation, and one old furnace is just plain cold. I had to move a space heater in to the office and stick it under the desk so I could stand to blog for 15 minutes. But my mind wanders (as usual) I really just want to feel a little of that *PEACE* that only can be gained I suppose by constant reflection upon our Savior, and gratitude for His birth, life, and sacrifice on our behalf. My goal this next two weeks (ack! is that all that's left?!) is to focus on the things that can't be bought, or made even, that can be gained only through quiet contemplation.
I sincerely hope you are all having PEACE at this hectic time.
May the spirit of Christmas bring you peace,
The gladness of Christmas give you hope,
The warmth of Christmas grant you love.
~Author Unknown

Blizzard or kids?

Chris, Ella and I drove up to Provo last Saturday. Our good friend from our Albuquerque days passed away, and they had a double funeral, so we got to go pay our last respects. The weather report called for scattered snow showers up down I-15, but we didn't want to miss the funeral, so we farmed out the kids, and left at 8:30am. The ride up was uneventful, 2.5 hrs. We hit Einstien's for lunch and made it to the funeral with plenty of time to spare. It was a good uplifting funeral that ended with a video clip of Blanche and Charlie (the deceased) doing a comedy skit for a ward talent show. It was funny, and left us remembering how much fun Charlie was in life.

Now 3pm, the skies looked darker and more ominous, so we hit the road. All was good for 1.5 hours, then it really started to snow. The windshield wipers have given us fits ever since we bought the car, but with the ice and snow, it was beyond annoying, and more towards perilous. We stopped to feed Ella, and Chris had an impression to take off the wipers and switch them. He did, and voila! they worked perfectly! No sooner had we re-entered the freeway, when the storm turned into a blizzard. Seriously, it was like the split second before the hyper-drive kicks in, when you jump to light speed, and all the stars blur together into streaks of white. Yeah, it was like that, for 2 HOURS!! Even with the wipers working, we were still looking out our side windows to keep track of the road. It was white-knuckle driving for a long time. We only made it through on a prayer and our guardian angels looking after us. Ella of course helped out the tense situation by alternately screaming and grunting at us the whole way. Not a nap in sight.

When we were just a few miles out of Cedar, we called Bonnie, our friend who had been watching the kids since noon, it was nigh on 8pm, and I wanted her to send the kids down the street to start getting ready for bed. Bonnie is my age. She is divorced and has one 11yr old daughter, also named Tess, or 'big Tess' as we call her. She is also our Primary president, and they have dinner with us at least once a week, the kids adore her and big Tess. She's known as the 'fun mom' at our house. So I ask her, how did it go? "We had fun, but man! I am exhausted!" I don't know how you do it!" It is at this moment when the answer hits me clear as a bell...magic pills. I do it with the help of my magic pills. When she related her torturous day later to her sister, her sister said, "Tell her to leave you some pills next time!" I'm not sure she'll volunteer for a next time, and if she does, she's going to need a week's worth of pills ahead of time, these babies don't work instantaneously ya' know!

So...what would you rather do? Drive through a blizzard for 5 hrs. or watch 3 kids for 8 hrs.? It's a dilemma, I know. But then, to be fair, you throw in the screaming baby along with the life threatening blizzard, and it's a no brainer, definitely KIDS! At least you won't be stuck in a car with no way to escape the noise, there's always, TIME OUT!!!

The Tree hunt

This years tree hunt was rather quick. Could be due to the blizzard bearing down on us. Usually I make Chris traipse all over the mountain to find the 'perfect' tree. Some years we have even picked out our tree months in advance and marked the spot with the GPS. This year, we left a sunny 50* Cedar, drove 15 min. up the canyon, and got out in 27* bone chilling wind. Chris and I were extra prepared this year with no coats. We figured it'd be a breeze, not even any snow yet this year. It was a breeze, or more like a tornado. Kate and Ella made it all of 50 ft. before we had to turn around and hike back to the car. Man it was COLD!! As we warmed up in the car, the first flakes began to whip around us, and I thought, what if I never see my husband and 2 children again? Should I stay? Go home and call for help? Wander around looking for them...no wait, that would be really stupid.I didn't even see what direction they took off in. Decisions, decisions. After about 30 min. I started to get nervous, so I got out to go see what I could see. Nothing. Trees, snow, dirt, nothing. I was about to start yelling when I heard cracks and noises that were either human or bear, but before I could run, Chris came into sight, dragging this perfect tree up the 50*slope. They had headed to the lee side of the mountain, and were out of the wind and snow, apparently, because they were all sweating! I had only been out of the car 60 seconds, and I was already frozen to the bone. Oh well, mission accomplished. No rescue team needed this year.

We probably didn't get the right species, but Chris informed me there were NO good trees, this one was an answer to a prayer, and he was pretty sure the needles were soft and flat, not prickly and spiny. Huh? It's one of the ways the forest service describes the type you're suppossed to cut. We wrapped it up in a tarp and strapped it to the roof with only the tag hanging out-- just in case we passed a ranger! One year I begged Chris to top a 40 footer, the top was soooo perfect, but he refused. Against the rules. I think he was just afraid to climb up.

By the way, if you are looking at the tree from outside of the window, you'd see the 'fun side' as the kids call it. That's where I let them hang all those many years worth of homemade ornaments. I know, I'm such a good mom. The not so fun side has all my stuff, the 'delitick' stuff(Kate for delicate). So far Ella has only pulled off one light. That can't be her last attempt though, so we'll see how it fares.

Hope all your tree hunting went well. My house smells like a forest now, mmmmm, yum!

Thanksgiving

We had a nice meal with 30+ members of Chris' immediate family. Just a *ahem* small gathering.
It's always controlled chaos, and fun for the kids. My assignment was mashed potatoes, so I didn't have too hard a time. As I was contemplating my gratitude list this year, I realize I am blessed beyond measure. Chris and I have started keeping a gratitude journal. Every night we write down something we are grateful for. It's quite a humbling practice.

Anyway, here's my TOP TEN:
10. Prozac (Well, it's actually Effexor, but the whole family of anti-depressant drugs in general.)
9. Books. Escape for the desperate housewife.
8. My fuzzy slippers, which are so comfy, I frequently find myself, unintentionally, at the store in them.
7. Willpower (I have been Coke free for 13 days and counting...)
6. Sugar (the only thing that has made it possible to give up the Coke)
5. Life's trials, yes, it's true. What doesn't kill me, only makes me stronger.
4. Friends. The spice of life.
3. Family. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I love them all.
2. Kids. Gotta love em. Joy joy joy in my posterity.
and drumroll please...

#1. Chris. Our marriage is better now than ever, and it has good reason not to be, but we've managed to stick together through life's ups and downs. What did I ever do to deserve such a great guy? I guess nothing, I'm just blessed.

To everyone--may your gratitude lists be long, and your gripe lists short!

Bum Darts

What in the world are bum darts you may ask? Only the funniest FHE game ever!!!
This is how you play,
1. Wedge a quarter up your crack
2. Walk across the room to a small container
3. Position yourself very carefully over the container
4. Release cheeks, aiming for said container.
The winner is the one who gets the most quarters in the jar. Nothing says quality family time, like a quarter up your butt.
(and no, we didn't make this one up. I actually forget who told us about this...)



I hope you can watch this, but if not, just try it, you'll be laughing hysterically in minutes.

Ancient Chinese Secret

Yesterday, Kate and I went to have a free consultation with Dr. Cao, a traditional chinese doctor. I know, asians, they just don't get it. What, did Deb take his picture? At least he opted not to have a soft pink drape in the background. But I digress, he did a pulse reading, and then proceeded to tell me what my problems were and what herbs I should take for them. I was skeptical, but something as old and well tested as chinese medicine cannot be all wrong, and hey! It was FREE. So here's the first thing he says after reading my pulse, you like sugar! Too much sugar! You stop eat so much sugar! Hmm...there may be something to this ancient chinese wisdom...
Here's my diagnosis: I am hypo-gycemic, pre-diabetic. I need to take fish oil and a combination of herbs to balance my blood sugar and reduce my cravings. Then he says, "You change diet, no sugar, no chocolate, honey, pie, white bread, potatoe, soda, juice." Uh-huh, yeah, and while I'm at it, I'll just grow another head, cause it ain't happenin' buddy! WHAT will I eat? He just cut out 95% of my diet! Can't I just exercise? Wait, no, I don't want to do that either. How about if I just take the outrageously expensive herbs and call it good? Bother.
Kate's diagnosis was that she has urinary tract problems, which she does, and I knew that, so again, he got it right on. She only has to take one pill a day though, I on the other hand have to take 16 a day! Good health is hard work eh?
Oh, and he also says my anti-depressant is bad for me, I need to take another round of herbs instead. I don't think so. The side effects may be bad, but hey, sanity is worth any price.
Well, I couldn't afford the 10 bottles of herbs he shoved at me, so I left with a bit of his wisdom, and something to think about. Perhaps the key to health and well being is just as simple as diet and exercise. If only it were that simple.

Eat Pray Love

This is my new favorite book, the journey of one woman to find peace. After a horrible divorce she takes a year to find herself. First in Italy, to find pleasure, then India to pray and find God, then Bali Indonesia to find balance between the two. In fact my new favorite quote comes from the book, and it includes the 'F' word. I won't put it in print however. Call me if you want to hear it.

But I digress, the book appealed to me because of my current yoga practice and the trouble I'm having learning to meditate. My husband has no problem shutting down his mind, he can fall asleep in 2.2 seconds. I, on the other hand, can't relax in the middle of a massage, the voices in my head just won't SHUT UP! Maybe I'm schizophrenic? I can't believe I spelled that right on the first try.

Anyway, after we go through our yoga practice we turn out the lights, lie in corpse pose and *meditate* for about 10 minutes. Well, I try, but honestly, it's really a run down of my to-do list, or the voices begin, "Okay, just breathe and think of nothing...Is it garbage day today?...focus!....my neck hurts....focus!!....man she breathes loud...FOCUS!!!...oh crap,I give up. Strike 354. There's always tomorrow.

Most wise sages and yogis have learned to master their minds, shut them down completely and in so doing, have been able to 'cross over' into the 'palm of God'. I would LOVE to do this. I seriously would love to be able to turn off my brain, for even FIVE MINUTES. No thoughts, no worries, nothing, just blank silence. Perhaps this is one of the reasons I cannot stand white noise. I hate having the radio or TV on when I'm not listening. I'll often be driving for quite a while when I realize the radio isn't even on, granted, who would notice over the din of the kids, but really, the chatter in my own head is quite enough 'noise' thank you very much.

So my goal this coming year is to quite literally 'tune out'. I often take leave of my senses, but not on purpose, no, this is something different, this is an intentional act, leaving all thought behind to experience that ever elusive silence, and hopefully...peace.
May this post find you in a state of peace.

FHE

Does a free frosty at Wendy's count as 'quality family time'? Had I known that this is all the energy I'd have for FHE, I'd have forgone the 50 lessons I spent hours putting together back when Luke was a baby. I'm all for fun family time, but some weeks, I'd really rather....not. Maybe I just need to rethink my Monday scheduling. First, it's laundry day, that's always fun. Second, since I'm stuck home doing laundry all day, I might as well clean, so it's also clean the house day. Third, it's Brownies for Tess, and I have to drive. (I know, heaven forbid! I have to *ick* be in the car for 10 minutes!) Fourth, Knights of Freedom for Luke, his book group. Fifth, What? Did I hear 'Parent of the Year' Award calling? No? Oh well, perhaps I'll do better next week...

Rock Wall

It's all about who you know! Our friend Rob is in charge of the SUU climbing wall, so last night, we had a private rock wall party with a bunch of friends. The kids had a blast, pizza, climbing, and the run of the place, who could ask for more?!



Here's Kate, she didn't so much climb as sat there while Chris pulled her to the top. Then she wouldn't come down. She just wanted to hang out 50 ft. up, swaying to and fro, so Chris decided to 'get comfortable'. I don't think that's regulation belaying buddy!

Chris decided to let her down fast, I couldn't hit the button fast enough, but you can tell by her hair, she was in a free fall.

Here's Tess, she needs a little extra pull once in a while, but did pretty well.

Luke on the other hand, beat all the kids up the wall. He did one route in 45 seconds! He loves climbing, and Rob gave him a free year pass to the wall, so he's 'hooked up'.

Applesauce for brains

or that's what it feels like anyway. Monday, me and 5 friends did applesauce. I'm still recovering. Seriously, I've had a headache since then. 'Lemme esplain'.
900 lbs. of apples (yes, that's a PALETTE!)
6 women
18 kids, ages 14mos. to 10 yrs.
3 camp stoves
13 burners, going for 12 hrs. straight
15 pots
0 hot pads when you need one!
5 canners
5 pizzas, the only food we had time for in 12 hrs.
1 crib, 4 babies, only one successful nap
200+ quarts of applesauce finished
and how did it end for me?
4 Ibuprofen
1 Loritab
1 burned pinky finger
1 backache (from carrying Ella around in the backpack for an hour)
1 screaming headache I still have, but the joy that only comes from knowing that in case the world ceases to exist as we know it, my family will have applesauce for a year. I came home with 25 qts. to add to the 30 I had done already, oh and I did 11 qts. of apple pie filling. Whew!

Oh, and it was the most fun I've had in a long time. This must be why pioneers had barn raisings, the work seems like fun when you make a party out of it! We washed, chopped, cooked, cranked, filled, and timed all while talking and laughing about everything under the sun, outside 'under the sun'(the weather was a perfect 70*). And when it got dark and cold, out came the propane heaters and flood lights! The next morning we all met again to scrub our poor hostesses house for 3 hours. Most of the work was done outside, but with kids, sticky apple juice, and no end of leaves outside, the house was destroyed. I personally spent nearly 2 hours just scrubbing the stove top. Can we say "Thank heavens it wasn't at my house!?"

Canning season is OFFICIALLY over. Can I get an AMEN SISTAH?!

Evil Witch

Well I thought Halloween was over, but forgot to put that box of costumes away. Kate ran out at me today cackling like a mad woman, shouting, "I'm an evil witch! You should be scared of me! A ha ha ha ha!" Wait a minute---I thought I was the evil witch?! I guess I have competition. What was I thinking dressing her up as Minnie Mouse, when her 'true' character, the evil witch, was just dying to get out! Guess Chris wins, she does take after me... as for making it official with costume, well, maybe next year.
PS. I did go as my true self this year, hat, cape and black lipstick, but where did I put that broom?...

Bullies

We rented Bridge to Terabithia tonight. It was a good show for the 8+ age group. It had some important lessons on bullying in it, which was fortuitous, since Luke had a bullying incident today. A couple of the boys in his class tried to push him down a manhole of sorts and when that didn't work, they jumped on him, to which a few other kids shouted, "Dog pile!" and piled on too. He apparently blacked out for a few seconds because he couldn't breathe. He told me this over dinner tonight, rather nonchalantly, just a by the way sort of comment. I had a hard time controlling my emotion, seeing as he was calm, I didn't want to make it worse by over-reacting. After getting the details out of him, my first thought was to call the little brats mother and tell her in no uncertain terms that if her child ever touched my child again she would have serious problems with me. Since she is the cubmaster in Luke's troop however, I thought I'd run the idea past Chris, my voice of reason. He concurred, but thought he'd talk to Luke first. After that conversation he decided that since Luke doesn't have a regular problem with this kid, and they are in fact friends sometimes (this kid is a jerk, but only sometimes I guess), and the school had promptly put the kid in detention for 3 days, well, we better not make it personal. Personal? Someone bullying your child is not personal?! @#$&*!!
Big deep breath, okay, so I'm not the most rational person I'll grant you, but I'd like to have 5 min. alone with the kid in a closed room.... good thing we marry our opposites. And, he's probably right. Luke is already afraid the kid will be mad at him for telling, I guess making it worse for him at home won't help that situation. Hopefully, he'll regret his actions, and leave it at that. And hopefully Luke won't start developing the migraines again. Poor kid. I really don't get it, he's nice to everyone, and he's not ugly or stupid, he befriends all the misfits...life's lessons come to some earlier than others I guess.
Oh, and another revelation today, Luke has a crush on the little girl in the movie. She sings the theme song in the bonus features, and Luke was practically drooling. Hmmm, his first crush. I'm just glad she's a movie star and not the girl next door. I don't think I'm cut out for parenting tweens, I'm already feeling an ulcer coming on.

Good Old Fashion Values

My kids have discovered Little House on the Prarie. It comes on PBS at 6pm. They LOVE it! And after watching a few of the episodes, it hit me, what has our society come to?! The Ingalls family goes to church every Sunday, they pray over every meal, the children are respectful to adults and they know how to work. These values are sadly lacking in TV these days. Have you ever sat down to watch a Hannah Montana show? She treats her parents like they are idiots, and they ACT like idiots! Forget respect, religion is no where to be seen, and the clothes they are wearing, while not necessarily too immodest, aren't what I'd want Tess dressing in. I must be getting old, but I think I'd rather have my kids learn values from the old shows.

BFF's

This is Kate and her BFF, Mary. Or, Mary Mary quite and trary, as she refers to her. They have the typical 'love-hate' relationship of 3-4 yr. olds. Late one night Chris was putting Kate to bed he said, "Kate, you're such a good girl." to which she replied, "Sometimes I'm bad."
"Oh? When are you bad?"
"When I'm mean."
"Who are you mean too?"
"Mary."
"Why are you mean to Mary?"
"Because Mary just makes me so mad I have to be mean to her!"

Well, that makes sense.
Most of the time they get on swimmingly, and it sure is nice to have a good friend, even when you're only 3.

Halloween '07

Luke, 3rd year as a skeleton. "It's not about the costumes mom, it's about the candy."


Ribbit, Ribbit


Hermione Granger, witch in training

Minnie Mouse. How can you top that face?

Autumn is the best season

It's official, it's time to start raking. Luke made this pile to play in, and that's only about 1/2 the backyard. Because we live in the old section of town, we have millions of leaves to deal with. There is a 100 yr. old sycamore in front of nearly every house. They are HUGE trees, with HUGE leaves. Our tree is another variety, it has teeny tiny leaves that pass right through the tines of the rake. It's a nightmare, but we wouldn't trade the big trees for anything!
Our street has so many leaves that the city drives it's leaf sucker machine up and down for a few weeks to suck up any piles you leave in the street, nice not to have to bag them up, just a problem getting the leaves from the back of the 1/2 acre, to the front...












And Luke had this brilliant idea. Turn the trampoline into Ella's own little leaf pile. She had bits of leaves in her diaper, and the kids come in covered in them, turning my house into our own little leaf pile. Good one Luke!

Wino or Piggie?

Kate called me over to the chalkboard yesterday to ask this question,
"Mama, do you think dis is a wino or a piggie?"
Hmmm...drunk homeless man or the magical animal. Hard one, oh! She meant rhinocerous!

Well then, it's obviously a wino. (Note the many 'horns' coming out of the incredibly small head, I think we need to watch animal planet a little more.)

Ode to my boobs

The baby is weaned, the inevitable ensued
My boobs are just a mere ripple.
Now all that is left when I stand nude
Is what God gave me, a rib and a nipple.

On hearing that two more friends got boob jobs, I'm back to wondering if I'd ever have the nerve to do it. No one that I know who got one regrets it, yet, I'm not sure it's worth the price. The price of wearing a bra I mean. I really like my freedom. That's the one good thing about a flat chest. No bra. I mean really, why bother? No under wire cutting into me, no strap grooves dug into my shoulders, it's really quite liberating. My friend with big boobs of her own wishes she could get rid of them, certainly makes exercising more taxing. I wonder if they'd throw off my balance in headstand...
I do have a pair of 'falsies'. The silicone ones you wear in your bra. They had little nipples and everything, until Luke bit them off when he was 6 mos. Now they ooze silicone if you don't handle them properly. Besides that, every time I wear them, I am so self conscious that they are moving around, I am constantly asking Chris if they're 'straight'. Frankly, these days, I just can't be bothered. Does that show self confidence on my part, or just that I have finally accepted the reality? Either way, it is what it is. Why obsess about it.
Here are a few movie stars that I admire for not getting a boob job:
Cameran Diaz
Kate Hudson
Debra Messing
Although, I nice full B cup would be nice, but again, I'd have to invest in a few bras. Ah, the dilema. Well, since the finances don't allow for cosmetic surgery anytime in the forseeable future, I guess it will remain a strictly philosophical argument.

I'd like to take a poll though:
Are you satisfied with your body as is?
Would you get any kind of cosmetic surgery if you could?

Am I going mad?

Or are the socks in my house living lives of their own? The reason I think this? Because they turn up in places that no one could possibly use them, even find them if the need arose. Here's a smattering of the latest 'sock finds':
Under the couch cushion

Behind the couch

In the cupboard. Next to the popcorn maker.

Seriously?! Did he (Luke) think I would never see them there? Or maybe he thought he'd just leave an extra pair here for the next time he was in a popcorn mood and needed socks...
Anyone noticing a pattern here? Socks in obscure places. Not that my children don't have a Laundry basket!!! I know, it's just sooo hard to walk that extra 15 steps to said basket. And while these pictures are all of Luke's socks, Tess and Kate are just as bad. Tess actually goes out of her way to hide her dirty socks. Found the last pair stuffed under the rug. Gee, I wonder what this big bulge in the rug is? She's a mastermind, "Mom will never figure this one out." At least Kate doesn't try to hide her laziness. She just leaves them wherever she took them off. By the door, on the couch, in the kitchen. Wherever the urge to de-sock herself hit. All I know is that if I find ONE MORE PAIR OF SOCKS NOT IN THE LAUNDRY BASKET, I'M GOING TO LOSE IT!!!!

Pork: that magical animal

10 pts. to the first to identify the title's reference! (Hint, it's a TV sitcom)
Okay, so I cannot remember if I have ever blogged about coupons, but I just had to share this bit of amazing coupon shopping I did today. My friend runs a coupon clipping business on ebay, so she always knows the good deals and gives us the coupons for free--thanks Cindy!--Usually we can get stuff for really cheap, but sometimes, even FREE! That's right, FREE! I came home with 30# of sausage tonight for FREE! Yep. See, this is how it works, Smith's was having a sale on Farmland sausage, buy one for $1.99, get one free, so that's basically a buck a piece right? But then I whip out my coupon for $3.00 off of 3 products, and voile! FREE FOOD!! I had 10 coupons, and now we have a freezer full of pork, the magical animal. I know, I know, how can you possibly eat that much sausage? Well, it goes great in quiche, chicago deep dish pizza, lasagna, spaghetti, etc. etc...and even if we get sick of it, who cares? IT WAS FREE!!!
For all those who love a bargain, check your local grocery adds to see what's on sale, then go online to http://stores.ebay.com/CEDAR-COUPONS and see what she's got. You'll pay a pitance for the coupons, and get really cheap or even free food, and who can't use a little wiggle room in the food budget?

The best place

in the world has to be this swing. Our friend David left it here when he moved out of the basement, and we have been using it and loving it, all summer long. And just look at the way this tree has grown a perfect branch to hang it from! Yes, it was Karma that this tree, and this swing meet. Alas, all good things must end, and as the leaves are starting to fly, it's time to say goodbye to the swing.

Here are some of my favorite memories from 'the swing'...
Reading a book in the sunshine, in the swing
Watching Ella play in the gutter, in the swing
Ignoring my messy house, in the swing
Having perfect strangers slam on their brakes, pull over and ask, where did you get that swing?
The mailman's comment, after finding Chris and I swinging for the second day in a row, "I want your life."
Chats with neighbors and good friends, in the swing
Ella with her legs stuck through the webbing, swinging
Kids pushing while mom and dad relax, in the swing
Waving and sharing pleasantries with sidewalk traffic, from the swing
Sudoku puzzles in the swing
Bird poop, a hazard of the swing
Long telephone conversations, purposely drawn out, so I wouldn't have to leave, the swing

Yes, it's been a good swing. It's been good to us. This winter it deserves a nice warm place to rest and recuperate from the summer of service it's given. Can't wait for next spring, when we will once again, be out in our swing.

PS. If you'd like a swing of your own, this 0ne came from Nagshead Hammocks in the outer banks. That's somewhere on the east coast I think.
PSS. Here's the photo I promised of my tiny dancer

The Mom Song Sung to William Tell Overture with Lyrics

Okay, I know I emailed most of you this, but it is so dang funny I just had to have it on my blog too! Can anyone take shorthand? I'd really love a copy of the lyrics!

Tiny dancer

3 days ago Kate discovered the ballet bag. That's the bag I keep all the outgrown dance wear in. She quickly found tights, a leotard, tutu, ballet sweater, and of course, the tap shoes. She's been in that outfit everyday till now. Seriously. The first day was fine, we didn't go anywhere. The second, I begged her to change before she went on her 'rounds' to visit the old folks, but to no avail. Her argument is either, "But I want to!" or "But I don't want too!" No matter what I say, those are the answers I get. Today we had to go to the store, but ahem, what to do about my 'tiny dancer'?
Kate, you need to change so we can go to the store.
But I don't want to.
You can't wear tap shoes, you'll slip and fall.
But I want to.
Kate! Change!
But I don't want to.
Fine. I'm picking my battles here, and I already had a headache. Wear the damn shoes, see if I care.
I had my 'I told you so' moment when she slipped (tap shoes are very tricky to maneuver) in the store and landed smack on her butt in the middle of the soup isle.
Cry, cry, cry
I told you to change.
Cry, cry, cry
Yep, listen to mama, she's always right. Now stop crying.
But I don't want to! cry cry cry.
ARRRGGHHH!!!!
By the way, we also had to get her hair cut, so she of course, went in dance attire. The stylist asked if she had a dance lesson soon. "No," I said, "just the costume of the week." He looked bemused. I wish I could say the same for me, but it had been a long day of 'tap tap tap tap tap tap tap' everywhere I went. I'll say it again, raising kids is like being pecked to death by a chicken. Or in my case, being tapped into insanity by my tiny dancer.
I'll post a picture tomorrow, I forgot to take one today, but no doubt, she'll be in the same outfit tomorrow. At least we only have a bridal shower going on. Maybe I can get her to entertain the guests...

Speaking of babies...

There have been a few in our family this past week, my brother, my sister and my cousin all had babies. Well, not my brother, his wife! My two good friends got pregnant, and my niece had a baby 2 weeks ago. All beautiful healthy babies, and we couldn't be happier for everyone. I've been making booties by the dozens, and then Chris had to ruin the moment by saying, "Honey, I think it's time to get going on that last one." Hissss, I said, as I backed up with my fingers crossed at him. He must be joking. Is this just a ploy to get me in bed? He must be getting desperate. I can't get Ella to wean, she's too old at 15 mos., she knows what she wants, and where to get it. It's embarrassing to have her pull at my shirt and scream Uh Uh Uh!!! Not that I need her to quit in order to get pregnant, heh heh heh, friend number 1 learned that lesson the hard way as her babies will be 19 months apart! Not for me though. I mean come on, you all know how much patience I possess. Does anyone really think I'll still be sane if I get pregnant this (or next) year? I don't think so. I realize I'm 'getting up there' in age, but sanity comes first, and I need more time on my meds! Besides, 38 isn't too old to have a baby is it? Yep, I'm definitely insane. Perhaps adoption is an option...

Luke's feet

or should I call them flippers? Honestly. He had outgrown his winter church shoes (size 4) and was still wearing his Sunday sandals last week, when I realized his toes were sticking out the front a good inch. Since he was one of the narrators for our primary program yesterday, he'd be standing out front where the whole ward would be viewing his seldom clean toenails. He had to have new shoes, so I drug him (literally, he did not want to come) to the shoe store. We have a Payless, Walmart, and Christensen's, of course we started with Walmart. They had NO shoes past a size 5 boys, until an 8 mens. Strike one. Off to Payless, where after measuring his feet, we found he is now a size 6.5 mens!!! I was floored. How did his feet grow 2.5 sizes overnight? I guess the summer months of going barefoot hid the growth. I decided we'd better get a 7, just to allow some room. Payless had a pair of 'all man-made materials' dress shoes for $22.97. $23 bucks for plastic shoes? Strike two. Ugh, off we tromped to the expensive store, where for $29.99 he got a pair of size 7 mens, dress shoes. All leather. I still shuddered at paying that much for a pair of shoes that no doubt will only last him, if we're lucky, one season, but we had no other options. It's not worth the gas money to drive to St. George for a wider selection. I think Luke wore those size 4 shoes for 2 years, then, whammo, all the sudden he's bigfoot. Lets just hope his nose doesn't follow suit...

Box baby

As I sat in the office typing yesterday, I felt a cold
breeze, and got up to investigate.
Upon finding the front door wide open, I start to yell, "Who left the door open?!" But no
sooner did that question escape my lips when I look down, only to see my baby, like this.
The next question? "Who left the baby in a box?!" I'm sure the neighbors found the 2nd question odd.
Apparently the kids thought taking Ella for rides around the house in an old diaper box would be something she'd enjoy. Too bad for her, they didn't enjoy it very much, because she was abandoned soon after the 'fun' began. Off to the gutter I suppose...

At least they tried to make her comfortable. She was so tightly packed in with throw pillows and blankets, I could barely pry her out.

Sick Girlies

Kate's not giving you 'the finger' she's showing you her owie.
That big white thing on Tess' hand is actually her finger. She woke up with a 'sore' finger, but no visible signs of damage. When she got home from school, it had a huge puss filled blister on the end and a red line going down to her hand. I just wanted to drain it, Chris freaked out and made us go see the doc. Good thing I guess, it was a pretty bad infection. No idea where it came from though.
I took Kate along because she's been sick for a week, but recently her lymph node in her throat swelled to the size of a walnut. Not sure you can tell from this picture, but it was huge, her tonsils are also huge. She gets sick all the time, but it's never strep, so I usually don't run into the doctor. This time it is. There's a first for everything I guess. Strep is not an illness I've ever had. She must get that bit of un-immunity from Chris. If it weren't for Tess' finger, I'd never have taken her in. Can you die from Strep? Ah, here I go again, getting that mother of the year award. So anyway, after the nurse came in to prick her finger, and have 'Mr. Thirsty' drink up her blood, (I know, what are they trying to do? Give the kids nightmares?) Kate said, "Mama, I love that lady. She has beautiful hair!" I guess she wasn't too traumatized by the vampire comment. Both girls are now on antibiotics. My favorite thing. Who can remember all those doses for 10 days! Oh right, the mother of the year can.