Zeke's Zerberts

Zeke likes to do this on any hard surface he can find, or on your belly, but that gets kind of messy.

F-O-R-T-Y

20 years ago! at BYUH

Today I am officially old. I started off on the right foot by demonstrating the onset of memory loss-- I forgot my Ward Council meeting. *sigh*

Then, I experienced 'hot flashes' as I sweated my way through the primary program. Thankfully, it went well, despite our lack of a full run through practice. We only had one little Sunbeam run back to Mommy and Daddy in the middle of the meeting. The kids did great, and my time was short and brief. I may have forgotten to actually bear testimony of the Savior though. I think I touched on His love of the kids... I really can't remember what I said, to tell you the truth... ah... short-term memory loss. Lovely.

In an hour we are headed to my Mother's for dinner. Good thing, because I am exhausted, and cleaning my house and preparing for a meal today were outside of my capacity yesterday. I'm just lucky to have accomplished getting my gray hair dyed back to brown.

I guess it's all down hill from here...

With my younger friend Sondra(who I met at BYUH), at Ed Week. She turns 40 next week! 

Mary Poppins

After my friends rave review, I decided to bite the bullet and fork out the money to take the girls to Mary Poppins. It was my birthday present to myself. I found a deal on Travel Zoo, and got 4 tickets.

The show was entertaining for sure, but had a much different story line than the old movie, so the girls were a bit confused. There was the evil nanny of Mr. George Banks' youth, and Jane and Michael were total brats at the beginning of the show, reversing course by the end. They took out some of the best parts of the old movie, like the escapade into the sidewalk chalk painting- with the penguins and horse race, replacing it with statues come to life in the park, and a conversation shop where they learned the word Supercalifragilisticexpialidotious.  The laughing/floating Uncle scene also got axed. Arguably, these scenes would have been hard to do on stage with live actors.

Tess used her binoculars quite a bit during the show

They did have some excellent special effects though, Burt walked up one side of the stage, tap danced upside down across the ceiling, and then walked back down the other side. At the end of the show, Mary Poppins floats over the audience and lands on the Mezzanine. It was impressive, even though you could see the wires. The kids loved it.

Ella was ready to go by intermission, and Kate kept kicking the chair in front of her, annoying the chairs occupant, but other than that, they were pretty good. There were so many kids in the audience, that their misbehavior was hardly noticed. And to be fair, it was nearly 3 hours long, I should have guessed Ella couldn't sit still that long.

Over all, a fun Mom and daughter date, and well worth getting out of school early!

I got told to put my camera away after taking this shot. Party Pooper! 

Outside the theater, this 'art' exhibit. We called it, "A flea takes a stroll on a hairy dog". 

Crowns and Princesses

I hate getting old. I'm almost 40, and nothing has brought that sad fact closer to home than the sad, sad state of my teeth. They are just plain worn out. I've needed 3 fillings replaced and 2 crowns in just this last year.

I just returned from the dentist, where I got my first crown put on. This has been an ongoing pain in my mouth for the past 6 months, when I had the first temporary put on. $760 later, my mouth aches, and I have been living on Ibuprofen for the last 2 weeks around the clock. I really hope that the permanent solves the problem, because otherwise, it's a root canal. Can I just sign over our paycheck to the Dentist? Sheesh!

When the dentist was about to put on the crown, he said, "This cement is a little cold and might hurt, do you want some anesthetic?" I replied, "I had a baby at home, I think I can handle this." He laughed so hard he nearly fell off his stool. "In all my years of practice, I've never heard that before!" Yeah yeah buddy, let's just get this over with can we? Every breath I take is killing this exposed nerve in my mouth. I'm just kidding. He's an old friend, and a really good dentist. I just don't like dental work. Join the club, eh?

I need another crown, but honestly, I don't want to go through this again. It's a pain of 'royal' proportions and Chris needs a couple of crowns too, so to be fair, he should get the next one. Our mouths have been sadly neglected the last 10 years of no dental insurance.

I read somewhere that dental work should be a priority for preparedness. 'How's that?' you say, well, think about it. What if dental work was no longer available? What would you do for an abscessed tooth? --Yank that baby out, probably with no anesthetic, before the infection spreads to your brain. That's reason enough to run to your dentists chair for a good dose of laughing gas and lidocaine isn't it?

I have another good dentist friend who goes to Africa once a year and does free dental work for 2 weeks. He says the line is miles long, and people literally wait in it for DAYS to see him, and then, because there is no electricity, all they can do is pull infected teeth out. So for 2 weeks, they just pull teeth. Know what happens when you pull a tooth out and don't replace it with an implant? Your jaw bone starts to deteriorate. Lovely image, yes? Those poor poor people.

So... it is with pain that I pay for all this dental work that causes me pain. Better to part with my money though, than be caught in the middle of a catastrophe needing a root canal.

May your teeth be healthier than mine, and your smile ever bright!

Nice Hair Dude

For FHE last week, Chris decided we should all go around and say something that we liked about each member of the family.

We started with Ella. Luke said, "She has really nice hair."

Hmmm...

Then it was Kate's turn. Luke said, "She has really great hair."

Repeat, until we got to Chris, and Luke says, "He USED to have really nice hair."

Nice hair was his compliment for every member of the family. The girls thought this was hysterical.

When we got to him, we all said, "He has really nice hair." Turn around is fair play right? But then we did him again, for real.

Teenagers- gotta love 'em- and their hair!

Changing Overwhelming Habits in Yourself

This was the best class I attended at Ed Week. The presenters were 4 partners from the company that did this study, and they published a book of the same title. I highly recommend it, and then you can just skip this post. Go HERE if you're interested, or HERE to watch a YouTube video.

Ok, so this is going to be a long post. Got a Coke? Alrighty, let's dive in.

First off, they describe the 'Willpower Trap'. This is where you think to yourself, "If I just want it badly enough, I can do it myself." So then when your diet fails, *or you can't stop yelling at your kids* you think, "I am weak. I am a failure. I am a bad person." Right? We've all been there. For some reason, we think we should be able to change anything with just our sheer force of will.

I know I should. I know how. Buuuuut..... I don't change.

Must be me, right? WRONG!

The willpower trap puts us into a depressing cycle that we don't seem to be able to change, no matter how badly we want to.

They talked a lot about Agency here, to ACT or be ACTED upon. See Nephi 2:14. I've already posted so much about agency though, so I'll just leave you with that scripture to read.

The problem, as they have found through following 5,000 people trying to make significant life changes, is that we are:

1. Outnumbered
2. Blind to the influences that are all around us.

Basically, we're being acted upon, w/o even knowing it. We believe that we have control over our own behavior, but we really don't. Agency is not about will power, it's a skill. We have to learn to act when we are acted upon.

Remember King Lamoni's great plan to kill the servants when they allowed his sheep to be scattered? You'd think that would be a great motivator to keep track of the sheep right? And yet, lots of servants got killed. Why? They didn't have the skills necessary. Ammon had some pretty awesome sword skills right? That's what made the difference when the wicked Lamanites tried to scatter the sheep. He had skillz.

The good news is, we can control our influences. There are 6 of them:

1. Personal Motivation- The problem is, most of us LOVE what we HATE. I LOVE Coke, I also hate it. Are we motivated to change? Really?

2. Personal Ability- Bad habits cause you to acquire skills. Smokers learn how to relax by having a smoke. Yellers learn to release negative energy by yelling. New habits require NEW skills. In my case the skills I need to develop are patience, speaking softly, and learning to pause.
D&C 9:10 talks about an ability problem, Oliver didn't have the knowledge he needed to translate.
John 8:28 tells us that even Jesus had to learn the skills he needed from God.
Any attempt to motivate ourselves, w/o learning the skills we need to succeed, only leads to depression.

3. Social Motivation- We care what others think about us, more than almost anything. Seriously, this is true, I think about it every time I yell out the door at one of my kids, and then see the 'perfect mom' across the street playing happily with her kids in the yard. Ugh.

4. Social Ability- Do we have friends, or accomplices? Our relationships shape us. If you are friends with people who overeat-yell at their kids-smoke, chances are, you will too. Bad habits are a team sport. We are all influenced by those around us. This is a time to take a good hard look at our relationships and decide if some of them need to be cut. Hard, but necessary. I need to hang around women who don't yell at their kids. Women who exemplify the kind of mother I want to be.

5. Structural Motivation. The cost of our bad habits is waaaay out in the future (the impending heart attack, the kids that need therapy as adults). The benefit of my behavior is NOW. Yelling releases stress. Eating makes me feel good. Smoking calms me down.

Satan has lowered the price of sin by making sin pay. The Lord promises the opposite (1 Nephi 4:14)
Make your bad behavior hurt by creating sanctions for yourself. Every time I yell, the kids get a candybar... If I eat too much, I have to pay money to the Nazi party... you get it, make it hurt!
Create modest short them incentives for ourselves. Reward actions daily. If I don't yell at the kids, I get to eat the candybar!

6. Physical surroundings - Control your space. This is the invisible source of influence. We don't see how our environment shapes us and our choices. The Lord uses cues, Deut 6:9 (think CTR ring). We need to find a cue that will remind us and make change easy to do. For example, did you know if you change your plates from 12'' to 9'', you will eat 33% less? Move your lazy boy away from the fridge and put it next to the treadmill!

Our lives are perfectly organized to give us the results we ARE getting. Think about that. If we want to change something, we are going to have to change our influencers.

So we need to escape the willpower trap first. It does us no good to keep beating ourselves up when we try and fail over and over again. We have to admit that we are blind and outnumbered, and start doing something about it.

They talked about being the scientist and the subject. Don't buy a new diet book, study yourself. When do you tend to overeat? What time of day is it? How are you feeling? Where are you? This was hard for me. I know why I yell, but how do I remove myself from my children? It's taken some creative thinking. When you fail, remember, it's not YOU it's your PLAN. Here's where the overweight presenter said, "My personal change plan relied entirely on the resurrection!" LOL. Pretty funny man. He realized, his plan was never going to help him lose weight. He needed a new plan.

When you have a bad day,  try not to beat yourself up. We LDS have PhD's in Guilt, don't we? 1Nephi3:7 is a promise, NOT evidence our our deficiencies.

Failure = Bad plan ≠ Bad PERSON.

Look at it scientifically. When you have a bad day, a person feels bad, a scientist feels curious.  Re-evaluate your plan. What happened today that caused me to slip? What could I have done to avoid that?

Once you have identified where YOUR problem areas are, build a plan around that. Identify your crucial moments, or your moments of weakness. The times or circumstances in which choices are most consequential, the 'when'.

Determine your Vital Behavior, a high leverage action that, if routinely enacted will help you prevent problems, master tempting moments, or quickly recover from mistakes. The 'what'. Use your crucial moments to determine what your vital behavior should be. ie: When I start to lose it with the kids, I need to stop and say a prayer, or count to 10, or leave the room. You get the picture.

Words matter! Use words to change your behavior. Promise to stop and think first. Make a public commitment to someone. I 'tell myself' that my kids are rotten brats and they deserve to be yelled at. Or, I tell myself, if I don't threaten them, they won't do what I want them to do. If I change that internal dialogue to: These are God's children, He loves them and I love them. OR The Lord has entrusted me with His children. He expects me to teach them right from wrong, lovingly, it changes my reaction.

Resisting the impulse to yell does no good, I have to say to myself, "I can yell, if I CHOOSE to." That changes the perspective a bit doesn't it? And we're back to agency.

That's it in a nutshell. If you're going to buy any self-help book though, I'd definitely get this one. This class was life changing for me.

Wind?

Tess ran back into the house after leaving for school to tell me, "The peach tree fell down!"

What?

I went to bed early, and apparently missed the wind storm. Unfortunately for our top heavy peach tree, there was no avoiding it.

And REALLY unfortunate, it's landing spot. MY GARDEN! Broken trellises, mean end of the line for the cuc's and tomatoes. Bummer. Ah well, at least it didn't happen mid-July. That would have totally sucked.

I picked all the peaches, and took them inside to ripen up. Hopefully they will, but they were awfully green. I'm not sure they will ripen. They are so big and gorgeous too. Double bummer.

Luke made quick work of the tree after school today, now it is nothing more than a pile of wood in the garbage can. Sorry Dru. There's still one peach tree left though.

At least the there will be no shading issues for the garden next year... there's always a 'bright' side, right?

Oh Look a Chicken!

We had FHE tonight. Luke gave us the lesson on the plan of salvation.

Zeke, aka, the Joker
yum, berry smoothie!

{Apparently, he had no idea there was a spirit world until he went to seminary. "Why didn't you tell me?!" He asked Chris. Hmmmm, I'm pretty sure we've been over the PofS several times. I'm so grateful for the Seminary program though. So grateful. Can you imagine him out on his mission, not knowing the PofS? Worst. Missionary. Ever.}

Anyways, so after he got done with our lesson, Tess was asking some questions about the Telestial kingdom (Can you work your way up the Celestial Kingdom? LOL. Um, No.) and Ella pipes in with, "So Katen is a year older than me?"

What the?

So I look at Chris and say, "Oh look, a chicken!" This is our standing code for, 'our children have ADD'.
Chris can't even nod his head in approval before Tess and Kate both spin around to look out the window for the chicken.

Honestly, I'm slightly concerned about our children's intelligence...

New Blog

I decided to start another blog to record our journey w/ dyslexia. From now on, I'll be posting about our day to day experiences with Kate over here:

http://motherofadyslexic.blogspot.com/

It's not private. You can visit anytime, if you have any desire to do so. The first couple of posts are copied from this blog. If you know of anyone who has a dyslexic child, they may find it interesting.

The Complete Parent

This parenting class was taught by H. Wallace Goddard and was titled, The Complete Parent. I would call it Christlike Parenting. Of all the parenting classes that were offered that week, this is one that I just wound up in accidentally, because my movie plans fell through, and I was already in the right building. Coincidence? Nope. I needed THIS class. 

He drew a house, and in the foundation, he wrote 'Flourishing' and called this essential component of parenting, my relationship with Jesus Christ, the thing that will make the biggest impact on my parenting, and indeed all my other relationships. I had to really take a good look at myself in the mirror to determine if I was, indeed, 'Flourishing'. I suppose we are never where we should be, but are we on the right path? Are we doing ALL we can to develop this most important relationship? Or does it fall by the wayside when the school morning rush begins? Continuing until our head hits the pillow, and we realize, the whole day is gone, and we didn't do anything to build on that important relationship. I missed this first class, so I can't go into detail, but I'm sure we all know basically what we need to be doing to get our foundations in order.

The second level on your foundation, the floor of your house is Compassion. As in, "How do I see my children?" Do I understand their minds and their hearts, or do I just want them to 'see it my way, and do as their told?' (yes please. obedient little robot children.)

He put forth the premise that THE most important point of parenting is to give our children what THEY want, in a way that WE can live with. Think about that. Does anyone live by that motto already? Do you really think about trying to give them everything they want within the boundaries you have set? In order to do that, you really have to spend some time trying to understand your child and their desires. 

This has been interesting for me. I've spent some time really paying attention to Ella in the mornings, when the other kids go to school. What I have learned is that she is really pleasant to be around when she feels like she is getting my attention. I had gotten into the habit of ignoring her constant demands and outbursts, and then, ignoring her altogether because she can be so draining. This sounds horrible, I know, but when I really paid attention to her, I realized that I had been ignoring her because she was an annoyance in my daily routine. Bad bad Mom. By just taking the time to acknowledge what it is she wants, and helping her to get it, or explaining why she can't have it, she is satisfied and leaves me in peace! She's happy, I'm happy. Amazing.  

Christ understands us perfectly, because he has taken our pains (see Alma 7:11-12). We can never say to him, "You don't know how I feel!" We will have to work at having compassion for our children, because we haven't taken their pains, we don't know how they feel. We may have a good idea, but we are not Christ. Realizing this, makes us understand how important it is to really try to understand them. 

True compassion occurs when we offer our hearts to someone in pain, but it begins with humility, not blaming or judging. Joseph Smith taught that the nearer we get to our Heavenly Father, the more we are disposed to have compassion on others. The Natural Man judges, the Righteous Man has compassion. 

Do we look at our children as a 'Problem to be solved, or a child to be loved?' Do we show our children through our actions that they are 'a pain in our schedule, or a JOY in our life?' Let's face it, parenting is extremely inconvenient. But how we see our children can be the difference between our kids being a pain/problem to being a joy in our life. 

He recommended the book, 'Raising Emotionally Intelligent Children' by John Gottman and then summarized some key points from that book:

*Be aware of the childs feelings/emotions

*Recognize their feelings as an opportunity for teaching/intimacy

*Listen with empathy and validate their feelings

*Help the child label the feeling

*Set limits on behavior while helping them solve the problem after they calm down. Teach them to use their agency

Once you have compassion for your child, you are prepared for the first and second floors of your house, Guiding and Nurturing. You can't do either if you have no compassion. Compassion helps us discover the problem with the child, Guidance helps the child use their agency. Remember: *It's our job as parents to help our children get what they want, in a way that we feel good about. *


In Abraham 4:18 we read, "And the Gods watched those things which they had ordered until they obeyed."We set boundaries that are reasonable, and then be persistent, and pay attention until the child figures it out in an acceptable way. There was a lot more to this Guidance and Nurturing, but my notes kind of fell apart at this point, as this was a 7pm class, and my 7th class of the day. My brain had long ago turned to mush. 


The last part of your parenting house, the roof, is labeled, PURPOSE. As in WHY we become parents in the first place. And why do we? Ultimately, so that we can become like God. It's all about evolution. 
Somehow, I just don't see God yelling and screaming at all his children and getting anywhere with that approach. Another good reason to get a hold of myself! May we all be more 'Complete Parents'-- or die trying right? lol. 

Dyslexia

My friend Emily, is a 3rd grade teacher, has also taught 1st grade, and been the reading specialist at her school. She did her Masters Thesis on teaching methods for dyslexic and learning disabled kids, and she also has dyslexia. She read with Kate on Saturday, and feels certain that she has dyslexia. She asked her if she sees letters moving around on the page, or coming up off the page, and I was shocked to hear Kate say 'yes'. She described seeing letters move like on Electric Company, when Annie Scrambler messes up words. I had never thought to ask her this, because I didn't know that can happen in a dyslexics brain.

Emily said that dyslexics see words in 3D, looking at them from the side, from behind and from below, not just straight on. This is why their letters flip sometimes.  This is also the reason why dyslexics are so spatially oriented and why they are so creative. Fascinating, isn't it?

Emily has a pair of violet reading glasses, because her brain does not see that color, and since black is a combination of all colors, the missing violet can make the letters appear to move. We need to figure out if Kate has a color problem as well, and get her a filter to read through.

She also has a speech impediment, if you remember her "wylly wylly", she can't say her 'r's. This affects how she hears and processes the sounds, and makes phonics difficult for her, especially blended sounds. So we are having the speech therapist listen to her, and she will probably have some therapy for that soon. *Sigh* I really think the way she talks is cute, and I'll be sad to 'hear' that go... but, if that is one of the things that will help her read, we have to take care of it.

Emily gave me some methods to use to help Kate. She wants me to teach her sign language. She does this in her class, because a multi-sensory approach helps so many kids, especially dyslexics. I'll also have Kate make her letters out of play-doh, draw them on my hand, or in salt, and she'll have pictures and colors associated with every sound and letter. All this will hopefully help her to learn the sounds.

She's giving me a set of textured, colored sound tiles that Kate can manipulate. In my research, I've learned that Kinesthetic approaches are especially good for dyslexics. Kate will also draw pictures to go with her sight word flash cards, and use a bookmark when reading, because she 'scoops' letters from the next line down and inserts them into her words.

Emily will check up on us once a week, and readjust our approach as we see what works and what doesn't. She also said to have her tested by the school psychologist, because that will tell us what her strengths are, as well as her disabilities, and will help us build a method specific to her gifts.

We talked to Kate about this, told her what dyslexia was, and more importantly, what it wasn't-- It does not mean that she is dumb. In fact, most dyslexics have higher than average IQ's, and have remarkable gifts. We told her she'd have to do a few more tests, and that we'd be doing her homework differently from now on. She seems ok with it all, and the promise of a treat, after any kind of testing she had to go through, hit the mark.

I hope she'll be ok. I hope her self esteem won't suffer because of this. My biggest fear is that she'll wind up thinking she's 'just not smart'.

I had an interesting conversation with Chris' mother last night. I told her about Kate, and was surprised by her reaction. She shook her head and said, "She gets that from me. I had a very hard time learning to read. I just wasn't smart." I argued that she was in fact very smart, very creative, had a head for quilting and piecing and sewing like few others, and while she agreed, she still had a very dejected attitude about her intelligence. She even listed all the 'brown-eyed grandchildren' who'd inherited it from her and had struggled in school. (One is a very intelligent chemical engineering student, one a gifted artist, and one a talented machinist, btw. They did struggle in school, but they also have gifts and talents that help them to excel in their fields.)

It made me so sad, here she is, 79 yo, and still has the feeling that she is 'not smart'. It makes me sad, mad, and determined. Determined to make sure Kate does not grow up with this attitude.

Emily warned me it is going to be a long hard road, and that it would not ever 'go away'. We'll have to deal with it for her entire life. I don't feel weighed down though, I feel optimistic. I think I can help her, I will certainly die trying anyways. I've already gotten 4 books on dyslexia that I will be studying for the next little while. Understanding is the key right?

Her teacher has also been very supportive, and so we'll keep her in school for as long as that continues to work for her. I'm not ruling out home-schooling her for at least part of the day though, if that will make it easier on her. Going to school all day, only to come home to 2 hours of homework with Mom will not make her happy I'm sure. None of my kids would go for that. I wouldn't.

So we'll just take it one day at a time. Learn to learn Kate's way by trial and error. At least she has Chris to identify with. She knows he has it too, knows he's a good reader now, and I think she knows that it's not the end of the world. It's a challenge for her to rise above. I know she'll do it.

Wish us luck.

Speaking of Anger...

Luke got in trouble a few days ago. I forget the details, but the gist was, he wouldn't stop arguing with me, despite my warnings, and so he kept losing more and more privileges. He stopped just short of being grounded for a month, but not before he lost all his monthly allowance. In the not so distant past, I would argue back and we would go round and round until Chris would have to intervene and tell *us* to stop bringing contention into the house. I was behaving just as childishly as he was.

Well, I'm happy to report, this time, I did not yell even once. I used all my 'Neverthelesses and Regardlesses' and calmly told him what the consequences would be if he continued to argue without arguing back.  He continued to dig himself in deeper and deeper, much like a 3 yo would, not understanding that there was a consequence to his behavior. It was interesting to watch. Interesting, when I tried to understand why he would not back down. Looking at it from this point of view, it was easy to control my anger. It was almost amusing actually.

He finally gave up, and stalked off to his room, giving me his most evil eye and slamming the door behind him. As Chris and I were getting ready for bed, about 30 min. later, he came in, climbed into the middle of the bed, and good-naturedly said, "I just can't stay mad at you! I was going to give you the silent treatment for like a month-- but I just can't do it!" He gets that from his Dad. I have a harder time letting things go... (come on! ACT surprised!)

To reward him for this positive behavior, we gave him back his lawn mowing and baby-sitting money, but he still forfeited a months worth of allowance.

I'm modeling. He's un-learning. It may all work out in the end. I'll do my next post on the parenting class I took at Ed Week. We can all use some good parenting advice, right?

In my parenting class at Ed Week, I got two awesome books that help deal with teens. One is free, and online, you can read it here. It's called 'Between Parent and Teenager' and was written by Haim Ginott, the author of 'Between Parent and Child', the best selling parenting book of all time, according to the Professor.  It's awesome, I am going to buy his other book and read that soon. Here's a quote from his Teenager book that I found particularly poignant: 

-From the mouths of our children come words we should never have said.

The other was 'Are Your Kids Driving You Nuts?' They actually gave this one out for free, so I have it if anyone wants to borrow it. It was really good too, and talked more about the Psychology behind effective parenting, and acting like an adult. All good stuff I needed to hear. 

Anger Management

This class at Ed Week was actually titled 'Subduing the Spirit of Contention', but I called it my 'Anger Management' course. When I was packing to go, Ella came in and asked me about my trip. I told her I was going to take a class on how to not be angry, to which she said, "Ooooh! Are you going to stop yelling at me when I'm bad?" Yep. From the mouths of babes.

So first off, he quoted Pres. Monson:
  "Anger solves nothing, builds nothing, but can destroy everything."

So if you haven't already guessed, or don't know me that well, I'm a yeller. Hello, my name is Kristin and I yell at my kids. A lot. Taking responsibility is the first step, right?  Every class I took was to conquer this demon in me. I've been home 2 weeks now, and I can honestly say I have only yelled once. Once! That is 1000% improvement for me. This class taught me a lot about anger, and made me realize that I really DO have a choice. Combined with my other classes, I came home with some real tools to make a change.

So, first we talked about understanding the nature of anger:

*Anger is most often expressed at home with the people we love. (Sad isn't it? But true, at least in my case. I don't get mad at drivers on the road, I get mad at my kids and husband.)
*The range of Anger goes from,  mild frustration-------------(the space!)--------------> rage, and fury
*The time to intervene:                     HERE!                                                                Too late!
*Anger is a secondary emotion, triggered by something else, ei: pain, frustration, etc. Do you get mad when someone steps on your toes? I do.
*Anger is a signal that something needs to change
*Anger can be righteous or un-righteous (Jesus turning over the tables of the money changers- righteous anger)
*Anger components:
     1. Experience    -state anger (feeling it!)
                                -trait anger (your disposition- angry most of the time)
     2. Expression    -anger directed outward (hurts others)
                                -anger directed inward (self-destructive)
                                -anger control (self restraint--governing, managing) This is the GOAL.

He then talked about the 'Bridling Perspective', and read from Alma 38:12 about bridling your passions. When we encounter a provoking situation, there is a freedom of choice threshold that comes BEFORE our response. Here's where I sank pretty low in my chair. I mean, I have often told myself that I have NO control over my anger. The kids do/say something and BAM! I lose it, almost instantly. This quote hit me right between the eyes:

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. 

-Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Dangit. It's not THEIR fault. It's my CHOICE. They don't MAKE me angry, I CHOOSE to become angry. At this point in the class, I'm feeling pretty dang bad. I mean, I already felt bad, that's why I came to Ed Week, but now, I feel like scum. Pond scum. 

But there is hope: 

He taught us to 'hit the pause button'. 

Strategies for bridling anger and curbing contention:

1. Accept that becoming angry is a personal choice and Satan's tool!

2. Do not suppress anger-- Control it! 

There is a difference between the feeling of anger and becoming angry.

3. Know your anger signs- physical responses in your body, thoughts, actions(yelling, hitting, threatening) Recognize when you feel angry

4. Know your triggers; hurt pride, disrespect, humiliation, unmet expectations, fatigue, hunger, mental illness (wish I could blame it on that one, unfortunately, I'm of sound mind these days.) Over-scheduled, teasing, being falsely accused, etc. Here are some common triggers in families:

Children

disobedience, want to provoke

refuse to cooperate or obey

messy, dawdling

deceiving

Spouses

Fails to meet your expectations (that's huge)

Ignores good things you do

Invalidates your ideas

Families

over-scheduled

fatigue

sibling rivalry

5. Calm yourself first (walk away, count to 10, say a prayer)

6. See another viewpoint-- try to see it through their eyes

7. Think about why you are angry before you react

8. Hear the other person first before reacting (hard hard hard)

9. Establish ground rules for the expression of anger (time-outs, no hitting, no yelling)

10. Express concerns constructively

11. Build positive connections away from the issues that cause anger

12. Make a plan for controlling anger before you are in the provoking situation

So there you have it. Anger Management 101. I know none of you have anger issues, but maybe you  have had some contention amongst your children, and this information could be helpful in teaching them how to deal with anger. I have been working on Tess and Luke. They have unfortunately learned my poor anger management, and frequently go at each other. I have had more patience with them though as I have come to realize that it is learned behavior, and now they have to un-learn it, by seeing my good example.  That in itself, is reason enough to try harder EVERY DAY.  

Here are a few scriptures to look up on anger:
3 Nephi 11:29-30
Psalms 37:8
Proverbs 15:18

And an excellent article by E. Lynn Robbins in the May 1998 Ensign. I just finished reading this, and MAN! It sums up my whole 4 day class beautifully. I highly recommend it. I could have pulled about 20 quotes from this one article alone, but here's a good one:

A cunning part of [Satan’s] strategy is to dissociate anger from agency, making us believe that we are victims of an emotion that we cannot control.